#if i had more time i would literally do an ep by ep analysis lol

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Wednesday my lovely readers. :) AH the post breakup ep. This one almost hurts more. It's most apt ep name of the entire season. ‘Crushed.’ Boy does this name hold up to what goes down in this episode. As much as it sucks what goes down with Blair. She was damn good at her job and this ep proves that. Lots of Tim analysis in this one as you all know is my jam. Eric and Melissa continue to crush us in this one. Phew. Let us begin.

6x07 Crushed

We start out strong with the soul crushing. Lucy’s necklace and DOD ring are noticeably absent. They know the fandom well to take away these objects. Of course we were going to notice them being gone. Hurts my heart to see it. Makes sense but doesn’t make it ache less. Our poor collective shipper heart. Granted the ring was her's long before Tim…BUT we all know what it represents. Her life being saved. Throwing it out in the hopes he would find it and save her. Represents him digging his bare hands into the earth to retrieve her from it. *sniffle* I’m fine….

Her necklace being gone is just a stark reminder of where we are with them. I hate it. The opening sequence is a gut punch to our feels. To Lucy’s too. Tamara is moving out. This also hurts to watch. The end of an era. Lucy is grasping at straws asking if she needs more time before she goes? Tamara asks if she needs her to stay? With the breakup and all? Lucy instantly say no. Even if she wanted to she'd never ask that of her. But it’s clearly upsetting Lucy watching her whole world being dismantled.

She went from having the love of her life with her daily, and Tamara living there, to neither of those things within a week. She literally blinked and her two pillars of support were gone. I adore her making dinner reservations for her though. Wanting to celebrate despite her current sadness. Tamara asks if Tim really got kicked out of Metro? Lucy immediately saddens and morosely replies ‘Yeah.’ Tamara being her protective self in her reply. I mean she isn’t wrong…But it brings Lucy zero comfort and it’s written all over her face. *sigh*

We go from one heartbreaking scene to another. Once again the punches not being pulled in the last 3 eps. I feel emotionally winded. For only having 10 eps they sure did pack them full of it. Which I was impressed with. We see Tim disassembling his Metro office. Hurts me to see it. Official time of death for Metro Tim is now. You all know how much I loved him in this position. I really hate this. Was more than him being fine af in that outfit. Was years of hard work flushed down the toilet *snaps fingers* Just like that. Really paints the picture of his trajectory downward after Ray.

I hate this on a personal level for him. The breakup is excruciating but adding this in is... It's salt into an already raging wound. Worst part is we watch him being stoic with Wade. Trying to pull all the company lines. Whatever will get him back on duty and Grey out of his hair. Luckily Wade isn’t so easily duped. He knows this man well. Been his superiors for years. Can see the grunt mentality Tim is displaying. Knowing how unhealthy it is. Grey lets him know Dr. London will be shadowing him. Tim is naturally upset about this.

This wasn't the work he meant lol Knowing exactly why this is happening. Wade doesn’t sugar coat it when Tim pushes back. Nor should he. Lists off the reasons he questions Tim's judgment right now. The reckless behavior that had him bounced out of Metro and back to patrol. Secondly breaking up with Lucy. Tim forgets this man watched over the years how Tim blossomed around her. Even more so when they got together. To toss that away is just as reckless as his behavior that lost him Metro. Tim is in a free fall atm. Grey is just trying to soften the landing when he comes back to Earth.

Tim being a lying liar who lies. Says him breaking up with Lucy had nothing to do with Ray. Oh my love you don’t really believe that do you? Because it has EVERYTHING to do with it. Was the catalyst to breaking all our hearts. It's clearly a tactic to get out of his ride along with Blair. The man as we know runs from and buries his feelings. Only person to ever get him to open up he’s shoved away at this point. Phew. This somehow hurts more the second to watch and dissect.

Wade stands his ground about the ride along. Saying if he wants to even begin to earn his trust back. It starts here. Otherwise he’s going to get mandated therapy. Which honestly I would’ve hated for him. Because therapy’s something you need to come to on your own. Not have it thrust upon you. So I’m glad Grey started out with this observation first. The man knows what he’s doing. Tim gives into his order of taking her with. Little does he know he’s going to end up doing both.

But that’s the beauty of this episode tbh. Once that is settled Wade slyly mentions he’s taking Lucy out. Tim being salty says for ‘Evaluating her too?’ I love Grey’s slick smile replying he’s just observing. Like I said earlier. The man knows what he’s doing. He’s also worried about them both. He knows how serious their relationship was. Probably thought their next step was marriage. So for it to be over he’s gotta do damage control. He’s the MVP of this ep.

This scene with Smitty still makes me blood BOIL. Months later and it still has me incensed with him. With that jackass too who was betting Tim cheated. How very fucking dare you nobody officer. If you knew Tim at all you’d know he would NEVER. Not ever. Neither of them would. It’s so degrading for both Tim and Lucy.

Also her and Aaron? Excuse me while I go vomit. I love how she dismantles Smitty. Straight up kills him. The shame on his face is something he deserves and more. This one of the many reasons people knowing was the worst. Because cops or not this was gonna feed the rumor mill. People gossip no matter the profession. Lucy telling him how wildly inappropriate this is. Honestly she should’ve reported his ass.

I would’ve. I'm crazy protective of them both. So I hated this scene for them. And for Lucy out of the two of them to find it ugh….Smitty promises he’ll shut it down right away. Damn right you will mofo….That scene still gets under my skin more than I would like. We were all in mourning as a fandom. So this scene lit my Italian rage up. Hated rewatching it. Made me sick to think of them gossiping about them. Still hate this whole thing. Doesn’t get easier with time.

The pain train continues forward with this next scene. The LAST thing Lucy needed in this moment was to bump into Tim. Especially coming off the heels of scolding Smitty. We see her rubbing her tattoo like no tomorrow. Trying to calm her raging emotions. She doesn’t even get a second to breathe, before running into the cause of her deep hurt.

Gotta commend Melissa and Eric for this awkward encounter. Lucy has zero time for this. Can’t even process what just happened with Smitty let alone this. Doesn’t stay in that corridor long. Poor Lucy almost stumbles over herself to get away from Tim. Shaking her head as he calls out for her. Rip my damn heart out some more why don't you writers? Good lord. Killing me softy. 5 minutes in and I’m a damn mess. Also what kills me in this scene how Tim lights up when he sees her.

Ugh you can’t do that after what you did Timothy. You stole her voice and her choice in that breakup. You can’t be surprised she doesn’t want to see you. You destroyed her in that parking lot. Decimated her loving spirit when you took off. Eric once again killing me with his expressions. His reaction after she all but dashes from him breaks my heart. This was self inflicted but hurts to watch none the less. To see them reduced to this awkward interaction is devastating.

I will say I adore Blair for coming right at Tim from the jump. Doesn’t wasn’t any damn time calling him on his crap. His person isn’t there to do it. So she is the next best thing. Well other the Angela. But he needed to hear this stuff from a professional. My sister can tell me something and it doesn’t resonate. My therapist does and it clicks. Idk why. Just does. Tim NEEDED this ride along just didn’t know it yet.

Doesn’t take her long to call Tim out for his decision to use Aaron as a buffer. Is reading him like a book she’s known for years. Saying he’s doing so cause he’s exhibiting classic avoidance attachment style. (Totally is...) Tim having not been in therapy is confused at her reply. She continues to depict him further. Explaining he prefers surface level over deep intimacy. Which is the case with everyone but Lucy…

She continues on to say it’s a defense mechanism. One that is developed due to an overly strict or domineering parent. Usually a father. Tim getting nervous already goes on the defensive. Like he always does when someone has him dead to rights. Did it to Lucy and Angela. This therapist is no different. Stating he isn’t a fan of this and there is going to be no over sharing. Ok love….

I do adore Grey for making sure Lucy is taken care of. We all know our girl isn’t going to take care of herself. Her and Tim are scary alike in this way. They’d rather take care of others than do any form of self care. So Wade is doing it for her which I love. He didn’t pick Tim he picked HER. He gave Tim what he needed with the therapist. Also we don’t get enough Lucy and Wade so I was all about this.

We know he’s worried because she’s taken hit after hit this year. Tim being the biggest blow of all. These other things were horrible but she had him. Her person. Her pillar. Now that’s gone and she’s losing Tamara to boot. She needed this ride along as much as Tim needed his. To say this season has been tough on her would be the understatement of the century. I’m hurting for her so much. Her entire world was ripped out from underneath her.

I think Grey can tell it’s pent up inside her. The constant ‘I’m ok and I’m fine.’ Are really cries for help. The awkwardness continues when they run into Tim getting ready for the day. Lucy extends the awkwardness inviting everyone EXCEPT Tim to Tamara’s farewell dinner. Well and Dr. London heh Who is watching this entire exchange go down. This shot from his cam feeling very intentional as he watches her invite everyone but him. A little shot at his soul watching this happen. He watches her depart sadly some definite longing in it. Oh Timothy you did this to yourself my love. Grey patting his arm as he follows Lucy out.

Lucy and Grey’s first call strikes a personal chord. Far too close to what she and Tim just went through. They show up to a couple fighting. The girl is losing her mind on him. Little stabs to the heart what this woman is upset about. Saying how she thought they were happy. How she thought he was the one. Then it just ended. How it doesn’t make sense. Ooof. My heart hurts.

I hate how relevant this call is for Lucy. Crushed is the theme through out this one. Apropos ep name if we’ve ever had one. Lucy then gets paranoid because she is feeling exposed in this moment. Feeling things she’s been suppressing gurgling up. Asking Grey if he set this up? That Tim just bailed on her. That their first call was about a woman being ghosted. I adore his reply. It’s Top Notch Wade Grey goodness.

Puts her in her place right away with that notion. But it’s very telling to him in this moment how much she needs this shift with him. The amount she has pent up is immense. The fact that she reacted the way she just did proves that. Her sensitivity level is sky high atm. Lucy’s reply when they get back in the car is hilarious though. Much needed levity in a tense moment LOL ‘It’s my bad.’ Hahahaha oh Lucy Chen never change. We love you so.

Dr. London hits the ground running with the case they have. Aaron bringing up it’s always the boyfriend right? When it comes to missing cases like this? It’s here Blair inserts her like about breakups. It’s SPOT ON. Say what you will about her as a person but she was damn good at her job. At zeroing in on someone and what makes them tick. What is holding them back. And her line about breakups is just that for Tim. Stating it’s a trigger for many men. How stereotypical gender roles prevent them from seeking help. It gets under Tim’s skin instantly. I’m sure she said for a few reasons.

First because It’s an accurate statement for most men. Sad but true. Two because she feels this fits Tim perfectly and his current situation. And lastly to see how he would react. Which of course is defensively, but she’s methodically chipping away at his wall. That statement is not only this situation. But it’s Tim’s entire life. His father called him. ‘Poor little Tim-Tim.’ This was not a term of endearment but a mockery of his feelings. For even having them let alone expressing them. To have feelings was shameful and to act on them even more so. Looked at Tim with disgust and disappointment for it.

That scene in 4x09 in his father's hospital room was a painful glimpse into his childhood. To how he was treated for ever being emotional or needing help. So of course he’s not going to reach out for help. It’s deeply ingrained in him not to do as such. Breaks my heart. Grew up the same way. Being pegged as ‘Sensitive’ or mocked for what they perceived as emotional tantrums. When I was just a little person with emotions and didn't know how to regulate them. I was emotionally imbalanced because of my parents. Just like Tim is cause of his father. Blair is testing the water with her theory and striking gold in this moment. Quite the opening volley from her.

Grey starts on his own inquiry into how Lucy is. Clearly needing to since she exploded at their last call. Asking if she’s talked to Tim since the breakup? She is brief and just replies nope. Although her reply is brief her emotions are not. Just hearing his name is springing up tears to her eyes. Melissa aiming to do the same to me in this scene. Straight killing me at how damn sad she looks. I hate it so much. Lucy follows it up with saying she thought he didn't care about her personal life?

Oof giving me Tim flashbacks to 3x08. When she was questioning why they were talking about her personal life? Grey's answer obviously different in this instance. Telling her he cares if it affects her job. I mean he is Watch Commander. This is a valid thing to worry about. Also part of the reason for this ride along. To gauge where she is at and how it’s affecting her on the job. Grey connects the dots of Tim’s IA investigation and their breakup. Knowing it’s not a coincidence.

Tells Lucy as such that he can’t help but wonder if there’s a connection. I mean obviously there is. He’s just not going to get that out of either of them. He failed earlier with Tim. Also it's not the connection he think's it is. I do love her instinct to protect Tim regardless of the hurt. Was pressed and she doesn’t budge. That is a natural thing for her bad place or not. Lucy may not fully understand the why of it all. But she would never cast suspicion on him due to it. She just loves him and will protect him even when he has no idea. I’m not crying you are….*sniffle*

Lucy reinforces the idea it was nothing of the sort. That it was just weird timing that’s it. Then she goes into analysis mode. Which is her form of defense mechanism IMO. If she can try to understand it. Figure out the why. Maybe she can start to heal from it. Not have it drown her every single day. Lucy chalks it up to Tim not being emotionally available. I mean that is definitely part of the problem…

He is a disaster zone of a person right now. He’s occupied mentally in a way she has no idea about right now. At this point in time Tim doesn’t even know this about himself. Only that he wasn’t deserving of her love, that he is too toxic, and she’s better off without him. Has no idea how deep the rabbit hole goes for him. Neither does Lucy. It shows how painfully in the dark she is about what went down.

The sports comment is pretty comical though. I mean I totally get being emotional about sports. The Rangers ruined my mood for awhile when they were booted from the playoffs in June. We made it deep into the playoffs too. So I get the hurt. Regardless it’s a funny reply from Grey. Makes Lucy smile too which is a win right now. The look out the window had me cackling haha I love it so much. We need more of them.

Dr. London continues her barrage on Tim and I’m here for it. It’s the only way he responds to emotional stuff. Also I think Blair realizes if she doesn’t come at him hard, she won’t gain any ground with him. Doesn’t hold back when she compares Tim and Lucy to her line about how platonic love. How their's started out as a friendship and blossomed into so much more. *heart clutch* Eric kills me in these shop scenes.

We can feel and see the emotions he’s choking back. The sadness in his reply of ‘I was her T.O.’ He can feel the rush of emotions flooding in so he sends Aaron away. Tries to ward her off by saying he knows what she’s doing. Blair is getting under his skin quickly and he can feel the heat of it. She is poking at a raw nerve and it’s very evident. The looks on his face through out this scene make me wanna cry. Dr. London reminds him breakups evoke anxiety and depression in men.

Tim being Tim tries bravado this time. Saying he’s not depressed. (Ok babe…) That he’s the one who broke up with her. Trying to deflect but it isn’t working on her. Blair doesn’t relent and replies yes he did. BUT she can tell he has immense guilt around doing it. Which we know is true. He feels horrendous for breaking his person's heart. It’s eating at him like a cancer. Exuding out him so much he can’t use his usual tactics to hide it from her. She see's right through him. Like he's glass and she's peering in for a look.

Dr. London continues her pegging of him with this next part. My god does she have him dead to rights. Not only that but she’s getting through. She can’t see his face but if she could she would see it. Eric is masterful once again with his expressive emotions. We watch the range of emotions in this portion. Especially with his eyes. Always the eyes. She really hits home with her analysis of him. You can see it seeping in. I’m so bummed there isn’t a set of this scene. It’s so so good.

Bringing up how internalizing guilt and shame leads to self directed anger. If that isn’t our boy in a sentence. Sweet baby James. The part about self directed anger is this man to a tee. An absolute tee. The way he’s soaking in all her info has me deep in my feels. That guilt she mentioned is pouring out of him in this moment. Along with the shame and anger that is starting to build as well. The anger is because she draws a HARD line in the sand about this eval.

That if she can’t tell if he isn’t self destructive by EOD she’s gonna sideline him. How he can keep stonewalling her if he likes but it’s only gonna end in a psych eval. It is a rough way to come at him. But he needs it so badly. Lucy isn’t here to knock it into him. So I’ll be forever grateful Blair was. He of course reverts back to S1 Tim when Aaron re-enters. Snaps at him because he can’t handle the emotions coursing through him. So he takes it out on poor Aaron. What she said has hit very close to home. Sadly Aaron get the repercussions of that.

We go back to Grey and Lucy talking about Tamara. Their case involves a girl being scooped up from babysitting. Has her worried and Grey can tell. I adore him telling her what she’s done with Tamara is wonderful. That Lucy showed her unconditional love. The kind that healed her skeptical heart. Made her wanna launch back into the world due to it. It’s here Lucy circles it back to Tim. With her line about letting people you care about go. How could she not? It’s consumed all her thoughts for days and days. Grey picks up on it immediately. Asking if they’re still talking about Tamara?

This launches a Lucy rant of epic proportions. One I don’t think Grey is even close to be accustomed to lol She is finally ready to unload the emotional burden on her soul. Her reaction here is just further proof she had no idea why Tim did what he did. Also probably has zero idea he got half his unit killed. Bringing on his episode of self loathing. Which prompted the breakup. Saying she has no idea what happened to them. That she can’t stop thinking about it. Girl me too. It consumed a lot of my waking hours in that three week hiatus as well. Only difference is I got to know WHY Tim did it.

It didn’t make it less painful but it helped to know the why. This is where Lucy and I are a lot like. Needing to know the why helps me accept things. Otherwise I go insane. Like I stated earlier her defense mechanism is analysis. She was so damn blindsided by this. Her brain hasn’t caught up to any possibilities of why. Lucy was left in the dark from 6x05-6x06. Only let in with what I can assume was minimal surface level info about Ray. Otherwise her analysis brain could figure out why he did this if she knew EVERYTHING. If she did know she could cobble together exactly the why behind his reasoning.

Lucy going off saying she thought their relationship was worth more. The 'Unless it is.' haunting her. Haunting us all. I couldn't look at happy gifs for a long time.....She thought what they had was worth more than a cheap cop out. It was very cliched how he put it. Which was intentional I'm sure on the writers part. Made it seem like it was a cheap way out of their relationship. Clearly we know it’s SO much more complex than that. But she doesn’t know any of that. Which continues to leave her in the dark and it's painful to watch her struggle with that. I just want to tell her. *screams into a pillow* Instead of having a say in it Tim made the decision for her and it pisses her off.

As it should. It pisses me off. He took her voice and right to an opinion with their breakup. That is something he’s going to have to make up for. Lucy deserved so much better than how that breakup went down. She does deserve to be the one who decides if she wants better. Which she didn’t get to. Nor did she want better. That man was IT for her. And she is thought she was the same for Tim. It’s why her line about struggling with him letting go so easily hurts. Honestly It’s what adds another layer of tragedy to this whole breakup. The miscommunication even in the breakup itself is unreal. Lucy finishes off her rant perfectly though.

Saying even if she wanted total self destruction it was her damn life. Her friggin decision to make that call. Tim straight robbed her of that. Not only did he but left her holding the emotional bag afterward. It’s not right and it’s not fair. Our girl deserved so much better than how he handled that breakup. He has a lot to make up for in s7. But he knows that just not right now…Grey’s face to finish off the scene is everything. Knowing she needed to get that off her soul. That this is why he didn’t want her riding around solo today. This was a much needed spiral in a safe place. So well done Wade. Our girl needed this.

Blair doesn’t even have to wait for an opening in this next scene. Tim jumps in to defend himself about eviscerating Aaron. Saying it’s his style. She continues to read Tim like a frigging book. This is my favorite scene of the episode for him. Just because it’s so telling. Eric is incredibly expressive as she breaks him down. He feels trapped but also can’t deny what she’s telling him. Her assessment is out of the world good.

Another beautiful thing about this scene is she is attacking his problem at it's damaged root. Blair tells him he’s under a lot of stress it's clear. Not just the case though. Saying whatever went down between him and Ray must’ve been real bad for him to lose Metro. To be back on patrol. Tim doing his old move of deflection. Saying how he owns mistakes and moves on. Well he has half of that right… Our boy definitely owns his mistakes. Moving on is a whole other issue.

Dr. London is moving in for the kill at this point. Saying but he hasn’t moved on. How can he when his whole identity is wrapped up in acting honorably? Damn she has him pegged. If he could truly move on. Be solid in that statement we wouldn’t be here. If he could really reconcile with the past he wouldn’t have ended it with Lucy. He feels not worthy and very much not honorable enough to be with her. So he cut ties. *sad sigh* Tim cloaks himself in honor then condemns himself when he falls short of it. Which is why he can't move on. Just adds another pebble to his soul as it were.

Blair continues with her spot on assessment. Her guess being that has taken a devastating effect on his self esteem. We know it has. His entire life he hasn’t felt worthy or deserving. Has has always had the lowest self esteem about himself. Because mistakes were failure growing up. Mistakes of any kind. Which isn't ok. A healthy and good parents loves you through them. Teaches you there are lessons in mistakes. That it’s not the falling down it’s the not getting back up that’s failure. This man has been knocked down more times than I can count.

He got up every single time. Which is incredible and grew him to be resilient af. Sadly to Tim it’s the falling down that is failure. He never saw his getting back up as a positive thing. Just saw it as surviving and it was partly. He didn't see the goodness in getting back up because his father never did. He grew up in a household where mistakes were pain. Whether it was physical or emotional it was abuse for said mistake. Didn't matter what it was. So to Tim if he set high standards for himself. If he acted honorably his chances of mistakes or failure would decrease. (In his mind at least)

The problem with that is he’s human. We’re all human and fall short of expectations. No one set his except him. Hell I just dealt with this writing this review. I set this insane expectation of when I should've been done writing it and I didn't hit it. I was mad at myself for a expectation only I had set. It's the same for Tim. Whenever he fell short of being ‘honorable’ in his mind. It dinged his already fractured self-esteem. To the point where he has none. Lucy rebuilt it over the years. But it goes to show you how little he thinks of himself. That Ray coming back toppled all of that. Imploded it really in a matter of days.

She really brings it home here. Her pièce de résistance as it were. This is where Tim goes from huh? To Oh…Blair notes it’s why he’s been punishing himself. This catches Tim off guard because he’s truly confused. Like I said earlier I don’t know even know Tim knew the deep why of their breakup. He for sure had no idea he was doing this specifically. No doubt in my mind he had zero idea he was punishing himself. I didn't know I was in the story I'm going to use here in a bit.

Now he knew he wasn’t worthy. Knew he didn’t feel deserving of her love and comfort. Because he had acted so dishonorably. To Tim there’s no way she could love him after that. He projected 'Rules matter Boot. 'their entire relationship. Long before they got together. To Tim he created this infallible image of himself to her that he fell short of.

One he tried to instill in her as a cop. Yet he failed to do so. He couldn’t look at himself let alone make her do as such. That's what he understood about what he’d done. Which is insane cause she met him at his worst and still saw his good heart. But that's a rant for another time and place ha Suffice to say it was standard he was holding himself to that she wasn't. I get this so much it pains me.

Blair soldiers on in her explanation. Letting him know he’s depriving himself of something he loves. Something that brings him joy. I know this tactic all too well. I mentioned this in my mini. But feels appropriate to do so again in terms of relation. I do this myself. Tim and I are very alike it scares me honestly. When I fail at something I punish myself too. I feel I’m getting better at this. But this story is pre-therapy Caitlin lol.

Anyways I did this with my last job. I wasn’t good at it right away. I was close to being fired actually. My leader at the time was confident in my game plan to fix myself. I however was intent on punishing myself for being awful. I was mad I had failed in the first place. Pissed at myself for not being good right away. This clearly being the result of my childhood. Where I wasn’t allowed to make mistakes. If I did it resulted in emotional abuse in the form of the silent treatment. So going into adulthood I still held myself to higher standards than anyone ever set for me.

When I fell short of those standards I punished myself. So with this new job I denied myself music. It was something I loved dearly. So in turn until I got my act together I didn’t listen to it. Didn’t felt I deserved till until I rectified my mistake. My boss found out and told me not to be so hard on myself. That there was no need to punish myself. I hadn't even realized that's what I was doing till she said that. I still was hard on myself but allowed her faith in me to let myself listen to music again. It ended up being what saved me.

This is why I relate so hard to him doing this. Because I did it. My whole life. Tim doesn’t even realize till now he’s punishing himself this way. He’s denied himself his person. What brings him the most constant joy in his life? Lucy. Who is the radiant sunshine that made his life better? Lucy. So. In turn he is denying himself the one person he feels he doesn’t deserve. Punishing himself by denying himself her presence, he is simultaneously depriving himself of the happiness their relationship brings him. We know how happy she's made him. The highest form of penance is sacrificing that. Oh my broken boy.

I love her saying 'Or more accurately someone.' She saw what went down at the kit room. How Tim longingly looked at Lucy when she departed. Knows this man is still so in love with her. It’s obvious he hasn’t made this connection himself till she says this. We see it dawning on Tim. Her getting through to him. We watch as this hits Tim square in his chest. Or really his heart. She has struck a deep chord and it shows all over his reaction. Especially in the second gif. Tim is holding back actual tears as it hits him.

Ugh my heart. Damn you Eric. As quickly as he comes to this realization Aaron re enters the car. Tim has to readjust and adapt back to hard ass. Was bummed couldn't fit this in but he struggles with it. Aaron is smart enough not to ask if he’s ok twice… I do remember being excited by this scene. Because I felt it would propel him toward therapy. To knowing he needs help. All the signs can be there but you have to see the need for it. I'll be forever grateful to Dr. London for helping him see it.

Lucy spotting Tim and touching her tattoo. Melissa you’re killing me. But also don’t stop. I love that you do that. It makes me wanna cry though. Because we all know why she reaches for it. It’s to remind herself she’s a survivor. The only problem is that idea came from Tim….That entire grounding exercise is wrapped up in him. So it’s painful she has to now use it about him. It’s beautifully tragic and subtle.

Which is why it hurts so good. Mostly hurts atm. Until they’re reconciled anyways. It PAINS me to see how awkward they are with one another. To go from being so damn linked to this disjointed mess….I hate it so much. Eric and Melissa do it so well though. The body language and the nervousness pouring out of them. Lucy wanting to start something but not knowing where to begin. At a loss for words.

Tim doesn’t help her at all. Just stands there like an awko taco. That lyric ‘I’ve never been a fighter.’ Ringing through the silence. Ugh the music attacking us once again in the best way. This song is so good for this moment. I truly think having listened to it enough times now. Feel it’s Lucy POV with these lyrics. Which I’ll delve into more in the side notes. This entire scene just hurts. Like poking a unhealed wound.

I have to note this gif separately. Said this a lot this ep but damn you Eric. His precious little smile here is killing me softly. He’s spent the entire ep on pins and needles. Avoiding his feelings. Lashing out at everyone around him. Then being hit with some serious realizations. Then he sees sees Lucy and it appears. That Lucy smile of his. But he forgets he can’t be flashing that adorable smile to her anymore. He lost the right to find comfort in her presence when he walked away from them. From her.

The smile also kills me because he’s so in love with her. Look at that man above. It’s written all over that smile. It hurts to watch. I saw a great tag for this gif. ‘idk what hurts more his little smile or his shining eyes.’ Honestly? Both. They both hurt….Once again he has no right to be showing her those in love eyes paired with tears. Only hurts her more. Hell it’s killing me. It pains me he’s punishing them both for this spiral. This scene hurts so much but starting out with this smile. *sigh* I'm dying Timothy. You've killed me.

Truly blinded by his own shortcomings at the start of this scene. Thought he could just jump back in there and be normal. That there’s no way she loved him like he loved her. So she would be more normal and ok after their break up than him. My broken Timothy you hurt my heart on so many levels. Not only that but makes a joke about clocking out. He's nervous in his delivery of it too. Which he should be. He exploded them and is making small talk? Oh Tim. No....

Lucy calls him out instantly for it. I adore her for the stand she takes here. Not only not letting hide in small talk but getting her side in finally. Refusing to let him force normalcy on them when they never had a real talk. An actual adult convo. Insulted he wants to hide in chit chat. No matter the place they’re in Lucy is always going to tell him like it is. We all know he loves her for it even when it hurts like hell like this scene does.

Lucy reams him like she should. Letting out all the emotions she never got to express. Also what she’s been stewing on. Telling him what she has been holding onto the past week. Saying how he’s been so concerned with what she deserves. That he BLEW past them even having an adult conversation. Which he most definitely did. Also it saddens me the physical distance in this scene. They’re never ever that far apart. Very telling of where they are right know. I hate it.

You can see the discord between just by their physical distance. What kills me is she gives him a chance to rectify it. To have that convo. Tim deflects because the man is no where near ready for that kind of conversation. It reflects in his reply. He only continues to see he isn’t worthy of her. You are everything she wants you foolish man. He doesn't have a damn clue with that though. So he continues to push her back. Away from him and his turmoil.

It’s here I’m so proud of Lucy. She stands her ground and sets a boundary. Which is not easy BTW. It's insanely hard. Telling Tim he has a lot more to work on that she realized.... That she wishes him good luck with that. But she clearly isn’t the person to help him anymore. *heart clutch* My heart is on the ground again. I get it though. She is stepping away from him and how nuclear he is. It’s such a good boundary to set for herself. For her sanity really.

Another great quote from that book mentioned last ep. “A boundary is our only fighting chance at reclaiming our peace.” It’s the only way she can regain any semblance of peace. To move on from this and heal. Have couple more that are so appropriate here. “People who are irresponsible with our hearts shouldn’t be granted great access to them.” Tim hurt her heart so greatly. Betrayed her trust so deeply. This boundary is to protect herself. But also to keep Tim from having the access he once had. It's easy to see he isn't budging so even if it pains her she has to create distance for herself.

Final one “Love can be unconditional but access doesn’t have to be.” Lucy still loves that man unconditionally but can’t allow him to access her heart anymore. She gave him one last shot and he blew it. So she retreated like she should when he denied her. Does kill me she is clutching her tattoo end of this scene as well. It's what keeps that boundary in place and her feet moving forward. Breaking my heart all over again in an instant. I'll just be sobbing in the corner no big deal...

I was pleasantly surprised when we got another moment in Grey’s office. Thinking that was the end of it. I was hoping against hope Tim wanted to reach out and get help. This scene delivers in spades on that. Tim fully expecting to be mandated therapy. We can see he’s actually disappointed when she has a good review of him. Reporting it won’t affect his work. I’m glad she did because it’s prompts Tim to advocate for himself in this moment.

To say I’m proud of him is an understatement. To not only see he has work to do but reach out for the help to accomplish that. The relief this made me feel is immense. Tim says he was expecting her to say he had a lot of work to do on himself. Grey opens the dialogue asking if he does? Tim says he thinks so…Such a huge step for him. I could cry. Hell I was misty when this scene happened. Tim then asks what Grey thinks of him seeing her regularly?

Wade's reply makes me heart so happy. That it takes a lot of courage to ask for help. It really does. There is nothing scarier than asking for help. Especially with your mental health. Men have it easy in a lot of ways IMO. This is not one of them. They are told not to have feelings, or anxiety, god help them if they mental health issues. Tim coming to this place is incredible. This is a milestone scene for his character. I loved the writers tackling mental health this year. For doing it with Tim too. I could cry at how proud I am for him reaching out. For realizing something is amiss and knowing he needs to fix it.

As if this episode wasn’t making me cry enough. This final scene with Tamara gets me teary. Other than Tim and Lucy they’ve been my fav. Been beautiful to watch them both grow. It helped Tamara heal her untrusting heart. That unconditional love Lucy gave her never wavered. It helped rebuild her faith in people. In herself. I know it helped Lucy heal from Jackson. To show her to open her heart again after losing him.

They healed one another and it makes me emotional writing about it. They’re sisters and family all wrapped up in one. Hard to watch Lucy lose another piece of her life though. Truly hope this pain and loss helps her grow. If there is anything I've learned in therapy is that. Growing through the pain. I hope s7 treats her kindly after this harsh season. It’ll be make all the hurt she goes through so much better. I’ll be fascinated to see how s7 starts for her. How it progresses.

Where she’s at emotionally and mentally. My heart hurts for her in this season. So very much. I can’t even explain the level of ache I feel for Lucy. Our girl deserves the world and more. I hope she explores herself more next season. Tunes into how she doesn’t tend to take care of herself. Think she is on a growth journey of her own. It starts here though. I’ll be excited to see how s7 plays out for her. The end. of this scene is funny. Lucy begging her not to tell the car story at dinner LOL

This is gigantic growth right here. Coming here like this. Telling Dr. London that he was thinking on all she said. He is going against his better nature and reaching out. Admitting something is wrong and doing something about it. I know how hard it is to reach a place where you do this. What’s so beautiful about this development is Tim seeing he needs help. It's why he's here. He can feel something inside him is broken. He doesn’t know how to fix it so he is reaching out to someone who does. Tim can tell something is wrong and just wants to fix it.

To understand why and to get better. It is not a light decision to start therapy. It really isn’t. I ran away from my feelings for years. Damn near a decade really. Made light of the abuse I had growing up. Would crack jokes about it even. Because that was my defense mechanism. It was easier than dealing with what really happened to me. Ignoring how emotionally unstable and imbalanced I was due to it. I spent most of my 20s running away from help. From therapy. When it was brought up to me I would shoot it down like Tim. Call it nonsense and how I didn’t need it. I was also like Tim (Still am. WIP over here) and wrapped my identity up in the same stuff.

Being so fucking harsh on myself it was unreal. I still struggle with giving myself grace. I feel I’ve gotten better but it’s still a daily battle. It’s hard to explain the feeling you get when you know you can’t out run your demons anymore. There is just something that goes off inside you like an alarm. It tells you it doesn’t feel right, that you don’t know how to fix it, but it is time you ought to. All I know is it is different for everyone. What set me off is very different from Tim’s. His was a past mistake that came with a side of buried trauma.

Mine was a kind comment meant to make me feel good. Also some buried trauma. I was helping this sweet old lady who was a client of mine. She noted the earrings I was wearing and said they were nice. Told her my mom gave them to me with no emotion in my tone. I’ll never forget the sweet look in her eyes as she told me ‘Your mother must love you very much.’ What should’ve been a nice comment was a huge trigger for me. My mother is some of my deepest seated trauma. It set me off like nothing ever has before.

Her saying that unlocked this pandoras box of emotions. One I spent nearly a decade suppressing. I got into my car afterward and cried. I texted my sister telling her I think it was time I got help. I felt something was wrong. Wrong enough to do something about it. My repressed emotions had clawed to the surface for air. I couldn’t ignore them anymore. I had to get help. Something was broken and I needed the help to fix it. So that brings us back to Tim in this moment. To why he is standing here right now before Dr. London.

He tells her she is right. That he is mad at himself. We can see the realization just wash over Tim. Like he’s opening his eyes for the first time in forever. We can also see the disappointment on his face when she says tomorrow. He is wanting to talk about this right then and there. I’m same way (shock surprise I know.) Blair sees this and asks if it’s an emergency? Tim doing what he does best says no. Trying to do the “honorable” and not burden her with his needs. Because it’s easy to see yourself as a burden to everyone when you’ve been treated like one most of your life.

It’s what makes Tim digging deep and saying no I need this now below so massive. Watching him advocate for himself *sigh* I wanna cry. Because this scene is HUGE for him. I remember thinking to those who were hating on him at the time. If you can’t grasp how groundbreaking this is. You don’t get his character at all. Nor have you ever struggled with mental health issues or asking for help. Anyone who was nasty about his mental health made me so mad. To be that cold and insensitive meant to me you were emotionally immature yourself. I'll die on that hill happily.

If you need help understanding Tim in this moment or this episode please use my experience. What happened with me and what it took to bring me to therapy. Because they are similar. That is this man in this moment. Realizing Ray resurfaced all his demons. They came up for air and weren’t going away this time. Just like mine. This is Tim’s ‘Come to Jesus’ moment in regard to his mental health. He’s standing here because everything Dr. London told him rang true. Hit a chord inside him it was time to get right.

The thing is he doesn’t know how to handle it. Which is why he is reaching out like this. I do wanna say Lucy got him to a better place for him to do this. S1 Tim wouldn’t have reacted this way to Dr. London. Not at all. I don’t wanna forget the impact she’s had on him. But this is not Lucy’s problem to fix. She even stated that in their scene together. She is not the one which sucks. But this is not her journey to be on. A healing journey is a very personal and vulnerable thing. It’s one you have to do by yourself. (And with your therapist)

My friends and family helped prep me for mine. I’m so grateful for that. To get me to place where I could see I needed the help. But it was up to ME to take that first step. That's what this scene represents for Tim. Taking that ever so painful and scary first step into healing. Tim can see the work he has to do and that is progress. I truly truly hope he continues therapy in s7.

Despite Blair. I’m so excited they went this path with him. Didn’t just try and fix them and gloss over the fact he needs help. Appreciate the proper care they took with this SL. It also may not have felt like it at the time. But it’s paving a path of healing for them in the future. Tim’s head right will be best for them when they heal and reunite. Phew This was a doozy to tackle. I hope you all enjoyed it. And those who didn’t read my mini can see Tim’s POV and the WHY of everything. As I’ve said many times it is not to excuse but to explain.

Side Notes-Very Much Chenford

This will be Chenford related . I wanted a section to go over this glorious song 'The Ventura Exit.' Just wasn't room in the review to do it. So I'm doing it my side notes. More I listened to it the more it was perfect for this episode. Especially with what Lucy's is going through. It feels very much from her POV. The lyrics hit so much and have to be acknowledged IMO. First couple are just angsty musings from the song. They clearly aren't canon but evoked these thoughts in me. Others felt more canon driven.

"The first night I woke up four times on your side of the bed." This lyric could be said of the both of them. But this makes me think of her reaching out to his side in middle of the night. You know she probably still had on and off nightmares about DOD. Reaching out to him being a default for her. I could see that first night of their breakup this happening. This song put stuff in my head I had to get out lol

"Fighting muscle memory expecting a hand to be there when I reach out. Taking the Ventura exit to your house." This song is playing through out the rest of the episode. You can hear the lyrics if you really listen. I'm sure she fought the auto pilot to his house during that week as well. I know we only see them at her place but you know she was over there a lot too. Probably had her own drawer and all that. "I don’t hate you, but the more I think on it you let me down (You couldn’t see me. You stopped believing)" This encapsulates everything in this episode for Lucy. She doesn't hate him but he let her down SOOO much. He couldn't see her in their fight. He stop believing in them. Believing in her. So heartbreaking how perfect this song is. I wanna cry. "I miss you, I miss you, I’ll never forgive you. I wish I was with you I miss you I miss you I’ll always forgive you." I loved it ending on this lyric. Starts out with anger and never forgiving then it does. Because that is true of Lucy. She misses him so much but is so damn angry with him. But wishes she was with him. Which is why the ending lyric being that gets. me in the feels. We know she'll always forgive him. She loves this man too much not too.

I believe that's what we'll see in s7. Especially with him working on himself. That and giving her whatever doses she allows for him to show how much she means to him. This lyric made me hopeful for the first time since 6x05. If you don't have this song I highly recommend buying it. Not only is is perfect for this episode and them. It's just a REALLY good song. You can listen to it in full in the link I posted though. Thank you for all the likes, comments ( I LOVE comments don't be shy ha ) and reblogs. You are the reason I do these. I shall see you in 6x08 :)

[curio-queries]

ARE YOU SURE?!

Episode 4 production Notes

Again, I genuinely didn't think I'd have anything to say at this point about this episode. I had such a good time the first time I watched it, just smiling the whole way through. There is one thing that did stick in my brain a little bit though so here I am again with another post.

Episode Break Points

We honestly can't be making any final conclusions at this point but there is starting to emerge a picture of how the production team approached the development of this show as an episodic release. The question that was rattling around my brain after watching episode 4 was how they are choosing their cut points between episodes. We really only have three data points right now which is not enough to definitively identify their intent but it does start to paint the picture a little bit. Sometimes, the break point is beyond obvious, like cutting ep.2 at the end of the USA trip. But when there's not a definitive line, a choice has to be made when to bring one episode to a close and start another.

Some shows use the changing of the day as a break point but that's not necessarily always the best choice to make for the narrative of the show. For example, the break between eps 1 and 2 is in the morning after JK has his coffee and makes the stone tower. This better served the momentum of the episode and wrapped up the story beat of JM's rough night. Ep 2 then starts on a high note with JK's motorbike ride. In my opinion, this was an excellent choice as we close ep.1 feeling all cozy and ep.2 begins with a little bit of excitement.

A Look Back

So why am I bringing this up now? It's because I was so confused as the choice of when to break these two episodes. I don't know if I've decided if it was good/bad/somewhere-in-between but I absolutely was not expecting Episode 4 to start the way it did. Ep 3 ends at the Go Karts and feels like a complete story beat. While ep 4 starts with the drive to the Omakase.

To me, it feels like we're picking up on the last remains of the previous episode and not starting a new section. Which is honestly, kind of counterintuitive. Why would it feel like that? They're literally on their way to the next activity. I suspect it has more to do with the tonal momentum. The guys are still coming down from all of the energy they expended from Rock Climbing and racing and are having a well-deserved relaxing drive. Even the brief moments we see of JK on the motorbike are quite chill. (mostly because there's not really a great way to get action footage on a bike in the dark lol).

So...to see if I could support my suspicion, or if I was just bringing something else into my viewing experience, I decided to rewatch the whole series so far and rank every story beat on a scale for how energetic/intense I felt the narrative was supporting.

A couple of notes before you judge my rankings:

This data is the very definition of subjective. if I redid this same exercise even the next day, I'm sure I would disagree with myself on certain rankings so you certainly don't have to agree with my rankings.

If a storybeat had a noticeable tonal shift, I entered it twice and included both rankings. If it just varied a bit, I entered a ranking more representative of the scene as a whole.

This won't be reflective of the time occupied by each story beat. Some sections are longer than others but with sustained energy so it doesn't translate in this visual representation how much of an impact on the overall tone of the episode any one of these are.

I also added a star at the end of each episode of my median scores. I feel that this was a better representation of the overall tone of each episode rather than an average but that's just my personal view on this teeny dataset. Please don't come for me analytics folks! This is just a post for funzies, not proper analysis!

So What?

The point was curious about is in the gap between eps 3 & 4. Everywhere else there's a pretty clear shift in the start and end of the energy but that gap looks like it was just a step that was missed in what could have been a continual episode.

Here are the runtimes of each episode so far:

USA: 56 min

USA: 72 Min

Jeju: 56 min

Jeju: 70 min

I don't have any conclusions about why it was done this way other than they felt the tonal break was the sacrifice for keeping the Omakase story line in tact. Which honestly, I agree. There would have been time to include the drive in the previous episode but it would have left us on an unfinished storybeat. This is one of the reasons that we never get footage of the members return trip from their travel shows. Bon Voyage ends every episode with the members remarking on the trip overall. Even though we know they have to return home, we don't see it because that would start to build energy for whatever they're doing next and not the story of their trip.

Even in ITS1 when the members do return home in the middle, we see them packing up and getting in the cars but the episode ends before they really start traveling. (Actually it ends before they even let Jin in the car so they're definitely not on their way yet!)

Commercials?

I have a question for anyone that's watching this with ads. I don't really watch streaming content so I'm curious, do the ad breaks just randomly occur? Or does it seem like they're intentionally scheduled? Building story breaks for commercials was a huge focus of legacy tv and I'd be interested to learn more about how streaming services are incorporating it (not enough to not have commercials though, I get insta-rage when the content I'm consuming is interrupted lol). I vaguely remember getting frustrated when I was attempting to watch something at my parent's over the holidays but I don't recall if it seemed structured or not.

That's it. That's all I've got to say right now. We're definitely getting a lot more to the story of this show and I'm absolutely loving it. I'm going to be away for a bit next week and I honestly don't know when I'll fit in watching episode 5 but I'm very much looking forward to it!

If you've seen this post and are interested in some more of my thoughts on Are You Sure, here's a link to my AYS MasterList. Still can't believe I've rambled so much about this show but it's been fun! Thanks to everyone that's been rambling with me!

[findmeinthefallair]

Therapist Analysis of Hunter's Mental Health in For the Future

Ok, getting down to business and writing this meta at last..(delayed thanks to physical health issues that manifested)..

Throughout most of the ep, leading up to the climactic scenes, we see a new kind of manner in which Hunter is responding to psychological pain, drastically different from what we got used to seeing:

I don't think we've seen him this irritable ever before. There is 99% no recoiling, retreating or shrinking back in his body language except here:

Instead, we see him marching forward, almost like how an animal makes itself look bigger to scare others off, with a singled-minded laser-like focus. But he is in deep anguish.

In addition, he maintains physical distance, unlike his usual self who would want to check on everyone and make a physical effort to feel like he is part of the group. His own mind is more than enough of a rollercoaster to handle in the wake of bereavement, which is why he's keeping the others at arm's length to not be overwhelmed:

(..sorry, I miss the chicken onesie and obviously want to upload 30 pics of him in this post too lol)

The fear of Belos himself, has become more like a fear of feeling the emotional pain caused by Belos, if that makes sense. Stopping Belos is all that matters to him now because his new greatest fear is the pain of bereavement related to losing Flapjack, and that it would be in vain.

It's a crazy massive shift in what he's most afraid of.

He has a strong sense of urgency but it's a world away from how he wanted his thoughts to be as far away from Belos as possible, back in Labyrinth Runners. Instead, Belos is now occupying pretty much every thought he has:

and jfc, I felt so sad seeing this shift: because it reminded me how trauma and its aftermath can take you further away from your real self, in more than one way or direction.

Instead of being numb (a necessity for his mind to protect itself and for him to survive, while he hid from the Emperor's Coven search party back then), it's more a rawness that's present in his emotions in this episode.

Different kinds of pain/fear require different means to be suppressed or numbed out.

He won't allow himself to go to that place of being directly in touch with that raw pain, or else he cannot accomplish the goal of stopping Belos. Anger is after all a secondary emotion, usually protecting emotions like sadness. Clients often choose to come to therapy once they sense they need guidance to go to this painful emotional place, if they can't do it on their own. It's having to remove the band-aid, see what's there (which can be scary and quite unpleasant) and clean out the wound with care.

Hunter needs to maintain this armored state of mind in order to not fall apart (he already did this to a lesser extent when he cried right after Flapjack faded away: that wasn't a long cry, and he didn't even sob), and to subconsciously minimize the chance of going through what's called emotional flooding. He gets close at times to being overwhelmed by flooding, but never gets totally reeled into it, unlike the scenes where he darted out of Eda's house (Hollow Mind) or became trapped and curled up in the first panic attack he had in Labyrinth Runners.

If you notice, him shielding himself psychologically in For the Future like this means he automatically resists moments of emotionally connecting with anyone, subconsciously seeing this as a threat. A very notable example of this can be seen in how he reacts to Clover and Emmi here:

Because emotional connection with any of his loved ones might make him unprepared for a face-off with Belos that could happen literally any second. These quick mental calculations could all be happening in his head subconsciously, while he is reacting and being on edge like this, with a lot of adrenaline putting him in this mode.

However, it's important to note that he isn't completely consumed by this grief response, and his heart was definitely not completely hardened, because other familiar sides of him can be observed e.g. looking out for others:

He makes an effort to be as patient as he can, giving Luz and the others quite a bit of space to lead, though he can't hide the rawness from appearing on his face. It's telling how he has never been an aggressive, pushy personality, and he only veered in that direction in S2A out of fear that he would not please Belos (there was the risk of him literally being cast out and abandoned by his former 'caregiver').

Below is the part of the ep where the tone shifts, after the others call attention to his emotional needs (having love expressed to him, being noticed, etc):

and it's the part of him that we already knew existed, the deepest part that wants someone to reach out and connect with him:

It's a core part that never vanished:

but was just buried down beneath his anguish.

I believe he no longer put up resistance using his emotional armor because he realized deep down that this need to receive love/care was just as important as getting justice for Flapjack, if not more. His support network was going to help him get justice and he had to lean into that and trust in that. He must've realized that both those needs for love and justice are not mutually exclusive.

Anyhow..after Willow, Gus and Luz reach out to him lovingly, while Amity and Camila are also giving him their quiet attention, we can already observe his expression softening. When Willow and Gus leave the room, he runs out of the room after them, calling out their names:

and this easily segways into his heart softening, and the walls beginning to come down in a healthy environment (the trusted good company of his friends):

These were such good signs that not only was he thawing out: he could also begin to hold (and express) multiple emotions at once, instead of letting only one of them (the raw hardened anger) hijack his mental state. He could hold the raw grief, feeling love for Willow and Gus, yet still maintaining the desire to go after Belos which is a mix of fear and anger. His emotions weren't so rigidly all-or-nothing as a result.

I'd like to also note that he likely felt safe enough to express his tears after Willow revealed how she felt about herself. It strongly aligned with his values to minister to her pain: and while he did that, some of his own anguish could be healthily expressed instead of stuffed down in the dark where it would be feared.

Interestingly I find that scene similar to one case I handled whereby my client took a long time to dare to speak about her own pain, which could only happen after we spent a few sessions discussing fictional characters that she resonated with. Other clients do this by preferring metaphors rather than directly referencing themselves, what happened to them, and their pain.

References outside of the client themselves, that have similar enough struggles to the client's own struggles, can provide the safety of detachment and distance for the client to explore their own issues. This detachment is a gap that a therapist should work on closing over time, at a pace that the client is comfy with, until the client feels safe to reference themselves and experience their own darkness without getting overwhelmed.

Basically, Hunter connecting with Willow's pain could've been what allowed him to feel the scary emotions that he'd been avoiding in all the scenes prior to Willow showing him the photo of him and Flapjack. Feeling any form of love would also mean feeling grief he was carrying.

Sometimes in trauma, our emotions and cognitions flip like a switch quickly in a black-and-white sort of fashion, which may be useful if things are life-or-death, but may cause issues once any real dangers have passed (though if S3 hadn't been shortened, I wonder how differently this part of his arc would've played out).

What's interesting is we never quite see any contending or an active struggle between 1. the part of him that wants (and rightfully needs) to receive love/care, and 2. the angry part of him that wants justice, that wants to track down Belos so badly after the loss of Flapjack. It's more like one eased into the other, and I believe both parts can coexist, and it's a balance that he should be able to strike while remaining stable in the next episode. Balance like that is an indication of improved mental health: being able to hold multiple emotions in your mind at once and remaining relatively calm, instead of one or maybe two difficult and unpleasant emotions hijacking everything.

It makes sense that the group gave him his space throughout most of the ep, instinctively sensing that they should be nearby in case he asked for support, but not being too close because he would be in more undesired and unnecessary pain. E.g. if Camila had asked him what he asked Willow ("Willow, hold on. How are you feeling?"), early on in the ep, he probably would've brushed it off by minimizing his pain with a "I'm fine", to politely decline anything she'd do to extend support and care. Maybe he wouldn't have been ready. Only once he saw Willow in a lot of her own anguish did he feel ready to truly connect.

It's a big contrast..how afraid he was back then about the others finding out he's a grimwalker:

versus his response when Gus brings it up at last.

Hunter is so tired by this point, too preoccupied with the major life change he's experiencing, that he doesn't even look fazed. It helped that Willow had just told him "you're one of us now".

Plus I strongly believe there was already underlying healing that made him capable to handling the grimwalker reveal and any ambush by Belos. One indication is this body language comparison here:

where the 2nd one shows that he still leans forward, instead of pulling back like in the first one.

By the end of For the Future, more emotional balance has been restored in him, and it began when Willow took the risk to show him the old flyer derby photo and use it as a conversation starter.

That's a wrap for today's episode of Holy Titan I Love This Kid So Much That I Might Die.

[confusedspaceotter]

Daily avatrice analysis (day 3)

day1 day2 day3 day4 day5 day6 day7 day8 day9

Seriously didn’t think i’ll have to split season 1 ep3 into 2 parts lol

anyway i’ll try to keep it brief today since the hug™ and the hallway scenes are huge milestones of their relationship thus is been talked a lot

So

Ep 3 part 2,

First, I would like to thank father Vincent for being an ally to the avatrice ship we didn’t know we had 

homeboy sees avatrice interact for once in the canteen then decided to bring Beatrice to comfort Ava lol

Now you could argue and say that father Vincent asked Bea to befriend Ava but I think I would rather believe that Bea did this on her own because of her boarding school times(if you don’t know what I’m talking about check the day 2 post)

as much as I hate this man for lying to Ava I had to give this to him

he saw the vision when no one had 

(Sorry Camila baby but you are still the captain of the avatrice ship tho

Now back to the scene itself

Avatrice really is endgame from the start huh

Just look at her 

the moment she set foot in the room, her attention was dragged away by Ava

All hail protective Beatrice 

You can tell she wanted to comfort Ava so much yet she doesn’t really know what to do

People might think that Bea is not good at dealing with feelings and that’s why she hide it 

I propose that she is in fact too good at emotions 

well more about the dark, bad side of having it ,and more importantly how to hide it

Given her past experiences I think is safe to assume she knows too well about the consequences of having feelings and I quote: 

“When what you love, what should make you happy, only brings you pain.” -Beatrice(S1 Ep 8)

Yeah she knows what pain is

And yet 

She can’t help but look at Ava, trying to find a way to provide comfort to her

Girl was whipped from the beginning man they were just meant to be 

Now onto the hug it self

Sikeee there's something else here I wanna talk about

The moment mother superion left 

She went straight to Ava

Girl couldn’t bother to wait for mother superion to left the room really shows how much she cared about Ava even tho she might not know her well

Now you can see the obvious hesitation she had

I’m assuming that reaction is combination of repressing your emotions for a long time and the result of keeping people out due to self-loathing

which makes this scene a thousand times more meaningful

Bea, the one who actively reject/avoid physical contact Initiate physical contact Im unwell

The fact that Ava is important enough to Bea that she threw her internal cage out of the window 

I feel like in her brain is probably like:

brain sees pretty girl upset must comfort

And you know what the best thing is?

the fact that physical touch is both of their love language 

as we can see in S2

They literally can’t keep their hands off each other 

Now, many people have talked about how Bea feel or might be thinking during the hug

So I will talk about Ava instead

She is seeking comfort in the one person who is nice to her since she got here (minus Vincent he got ulterior motive

Ava your Kid is showing 

I think we can see just how innocent and precious Ava is

reminds me of a meme I saw:

as a person who also had a childlike personality i would too dive head first to the one who is nice to me (especially when they are pretty girls like beatrice 

Now onto the hallway scene

two things i wanted to point out 

one, Bea using humor to try to comfort ava:

babygirl is learning how to comfort Ava we love to see it 

and two

how observant ava is 

“there's more to it then you are telling”

Ava took one look at Beatrice and said I know what you are lmao

“there is always more”

foreshadowing to ep 8 and could possibly be about Bea’s feelings towards Ava

i swear i didn't expect to write this many words 

please lemme know if is too long i’ll try to keep it brief by not analyzing too deep with the more popular scenes(e.g. the kiss in s2 and so on)

Here’s a gif of Avatrice for making it this far <3

stay tuned :)

day4

[bl00dlight]

ur one of the few blogs who actually get Aemond is kind of an incel with a personality disorder. and lol when you said he was cluster b i snorted. i have bpd, and honestly..he is giving unhealed, nbpd (narcissistic borderline). even the way you write him makes me lmao cause it's trueeeee he so fragile and narcissistic like real shit. like in ep 3 in the brothel when he goes from looking vunerable to diabolical he straight up splitted. also the fact he cant control his emotions or impulses. and him attempting to KILL aegon because his brother laughed at him. like yes it is definitely a trauma response, but when you put it into perspective that his brother was like kinda doing what brother's do and roasting him? like ofc aegon is gonna be a dick about it. aemond suddenly hating the madame and then plotting to destroy aegon in that moment was like legit a split. I love how the writers of the show tried to not make him a full blown sociopath like he is in the books and yet accidentally ended up giving him another variation of cluster b antisocial behaviours. also Aegon is also giving unhealed borderline vibes too. tom even said he thinks Aegon feels things too deeply.... im sitting here relating to their traumas a little too much sometimes lol.

Thank you for verifying my armchair psychology. I'm very into character analysis and character psychology for some fucking reason and I COULD NOT AGREE MORE. Also yea, I mean, book Aemond is undeniably just a fucking dreadful creature. Incelly as fuck, total sociopath, doesn't give a fuck.

I'm glad the writers have actually taken the time to explore his character in a more nuanced way. Because no matter what, any character who behaves antisocially is likely going to be cluster b if they were real. So I'd much rather see how the dysfunction and trauma of family can create these issues within people. It's nice in a way seeing people empathic to Aemond, and I guess even Aegon (EVEN IF I FIND THEIR ACTIONS MORALLY REPUGNANT) because people tend to be really fucking hateful towards cluster b sufferers in our world. It's usually by virtue of the fact that, we don't see the trauma of what turns people into what society perceives as monsters. And often times, what lies beneath is actually a very, deeply broken human being.

I really appreciate the writers exploring the Greens in that dysfunctional dynamic. It's so much more interesting to me than the fucking small folk bullshit. Everyone knows war is bad and the people suffer. What's more interesting is seeing how the individuals who bring suffering upon other people are created. That is a far more socially impactful story to tell, because it literally shows us how the importance of showing people love/care/understanding - can be the difference between mass tragedy or peace. Imagine if Viserys had loved his kids equally and Alicent hadn't forced her trauma on to her children. There would be no war. It's that's simple.

[nerves-nebula]

2012 has so much room for character analysis. And analysis in general.

I watched it when It was coming out on tv and have been rewatching it for the past couple months very slowwwllllyyyy. Shshsbbdd

Anyway I'm just getting nna ramble my analysis in your direction.

Starting with Mikey! Par tof the reason people sorta cling to Mikey I think is cuz like, splinter sorta ignores him.

It's this sorta odd thing going on where we have scenes like splinter telling Donnie to act more like Mikey cuz he's thinking to much and it's impeding his abilities cuz he's overthinking. Which, is an attempt to address Donnie's anxiety albeit in not the best way but it sorta worked?

Which means splinter is acknowledging mikeys fighting prowess. And that Mikey not thinking to hard and just doing is a good skill to be able to execute.

But ALSO, we get a scene of when the boys first got their weapons, and splinter tells everyone why they're getting what weapon, and why they'll enjoy it. Except Mikey. Mikey just gets nunchucks. Which, is dead ass the hardest weapon to wield there so what the fuck dude?

And Mikey is, so fuckin smart. His brain just in Canon goes too fast for him to remember words and shit. He's so adhd frfr

But Leo is dead ass the golden child. Like, everyone asked to be leader, cuz they are teen boys, but splints chose Leo cuz "he asked for it" and then instills all his ideals in him! He's treated like he's the best at everything and is expected to be the best at everything AND to care for his brothers. And he can only feels like he doesn't really have a life. Which leads into the whole Leo develops a crush on his half sister while not knowing she's his half sister nonsense.

Donnie is just, he's the smart one. He's stressed all the time, but also a. Fucking simp who is never reprimanded by his dad for how he treats april, which he really should be! Having mindmap of every possible way an interaction could go with her is creepy! And literally stalking her!!!! Donnie's also the one who deals with Timothy and he gets in trouble for it with splints despite not even wanting to be dealing with it himself. It's a mess.

Raph has just, obvious anger issues. And splinter does not address them in a healthy way frequently. It's a lot of, "just breathe" and Raph is just: "I want to punch someone or something yesterday."

OH and splint sets his brothers shoot him with plungers while yelling at him and roah like, has a whole ass panic attack. That manifests aggressively cuz raphs anger oh so obviously comes from anxiety. But splinter like never picks up on that.

2012 splints treats the boys like students more then sons ALOT. But also cares about them enough to do shit like, break brain control cuz he didn't wanna kill them ✌️

I could probably word that better but I'm still a little high on laughing gas rn cuz I just had a dentist appointment.

yall be out here writing fandom dissertations & shit after going to the DENTIST yknow what I do after going to the dentist??? lay around in mild agony cause my sensitive ass teeth hurt...

anyway these are fun times.

i still cant get over the fact that i made my neglected turtles stay underground and never go out as a way to reflect my weird family isolation as a kid and then i watched the first ep of 2012 and it was like "yea they're fifteen and they've never left the sewers. they only know each other" and im LIKE!! WHAT!! THEY'VE LITERALLY ALMOST FINISHED PUBERTY AND THEY NEVER LEFT THEIR HOME???? THEY ONLY KNOW EACH OTHER????

i dont think the writers understand how fucked up that makes you and your relationships to people and its just like a part of the turtles story i guess???

LIKE THINKING ABOUT IT, I GET IT, and im sure thats how it is in a lot of tmnt iterations, but thats crazy. these boys would be so fucked up irl.

sorry for the ramble i just aint got much to say about ur analysis, cant say if i agree or not cause i aint even watched much 2012 lol.

[twdmusicboxmystery]

Dead City, Ep 4: Everyone Gets a Prize - Analysis

@wdway

I'm hoping that this is a way that they would set up Maggie having a flashback. Maybe a scene of Beth on the other side of the doorway talking to her Maggie from s4. A new scene build on what we did see that would be great.

The other thing that stood out to me and I'm not giving anything away on the storyline but the showrunners comments at the end of episode, it really caught my attention because he compared something that happened in the episode a scene in Les Miserables. I never read the book, but the broadway musical play is my all-time favorite, so I really caught that remark. I thought what a strange connection he's making to a very famous book and musical plat about the French Revolution.

@galadrieljones

I never really watch the commentary after the show unless you guys say I should (I know I know I should lol) so I’d be interested to know the comparison to Les Mis!!!! I love Les Mis. There is I guess kind of a Fantine/Cosette thing going with Maggie and Ginny and ofc Negan could be compared to Jean Valjean, the ex-con who is still being pursued by moral purist Javert (re: Armstrong). Great catch with the French comparison

Also I have similar hopes re: flashbacks but more so with Daryl’s spin-off. Idk how they will skirt the Beth issue if they do flashbacks. I think a lot of ppl would notice if they did.

@wdway

He compared the scene between Negan and Armstrong with Jean Valjean saving Javert. The comparison was that the hunted saved the hunter.

@galadrieljones

I never thought of Negan as a Jean Valjean character, but I love it.

@wdway

Neither had I, but I still think that the comparison to Les Miserables is a bit pushing it. I think it was more about just putting that in the minds of the viewers.

@galadrieljones

Okay so it's not a spoiler so I will just share my google results. It was really kind of weird like it made me blink multiple times rapidly and lean so close to the computer I almost bumped it with my nose lol. This is what I saw:

NAFC, the way it's stylized, looks like it's some sort of fighting guild.

I was fully prepared for NAFC to not be real btw, and it's not. But I wasn't prepared for the first and only real hit for what NAFC means irl

It's not so much what it is, but WHERE

It's literally located AT King Street Station, on the DC Metrorail, which begins in Alexandria, VA

Idk if you guys remember my insane rant about the DC Metrorail, which was actually the rant that got @twdmusicboxmystery to invite me into your group chat

I surmised after Acheron 1, due to Negan's subway directions, that they probably ed the DC metrorail subway at the King Street Station in Alexandria. Negan's subway directions took them toward the Shady Grove stop, which is a terminus: “Yellow Line North. Switch to Blue at Reagan National, then hop the Red toward Bethesda.” Anyway, this is a wild callback to Acheron Pt. 1 and 2, which largely take place in the DC underground. With Maggie and her group now ing the NYC subway, I can't help but think this is on purpose.

Anyway, this isn't a Bethyl thing. But it's just like, for me, confirmation that they are ABSOLUTELY hiding clues in the real world.

They are counting on certain types of fans to google stuff and find these clues, like the coordinates, which lead to the Canary Islands

This is also taking me way back to Acheron 1. One of the subway stops they pass, and Daryl shines his light conspicuously on the sign, is the "Pyron" Station:

The Shady Grove underneath means that it is the terminus for that particular line.

When I initially googled "Pyron Shady Grove" a million years ago, idk what I was expecting. Essentially, it lead me to the Shady Grove stop on the DC metro (which is real), but that word, "pyron," was bizarre. It means literally nothing. I was kind of thrown for a loop as to why they included that nothing word.

Note that if you search these keywords now, you'll first get a hit for this fictional subway station, but when I initially googled "Pyron Shady Grove," that page hadn't been created yet, so at the time, when searched together, these keywords showed very few hits. There was one, however, that I could make heads or tails of. It was a hit for a cemetery, called the "Northcutt Pyron Cemetery," which is in Acworth, Georgia.

Not three miles from this cemetery is another cemetery, called the Shady Grove Cemetery. Acworth is in Cobb County, GA. Cobb County is where the filming location was for the CDC in season 1. Further, the Shady Grove Cemetery has a church. It's called the Shady Grove Baptist Church. It looks SO familiar, but I don't think it's ever been filmed at. It's not exactly a "white church," but it has a white steeple:

ANYWAY, Idk if you remember @twdmusicboxmystery, but I spammed you with this 84 years ago in your DMs, and that's the day you invited me to this group chat. I remember it as "my audition" to be a TD theorist LOL.

At the time ultimately I was like, no I am being a conspiracy theorist, BUT, this NFCA thing has made me wonder if the writers do think about and test-run the google algorithm before they make these choices. For example, there is like a net zero change that they chose "NFCA" not knowing that the search results would turn up a certain hit.

Just like "Biomedicine." There's a net zero chance they chose "Biomedicine DMII" for the WB coda not knowing that "France Biomedicine" would turn up the Pasteur Institute.

Now, per the word "pyron." I remember talking to my husband about how the google algo works. He told me that the algo can be spammed in certain ways to promote search hits, but that this would never really work now UNLESS the search term in question is super unique, ie: "pyron," which is REALLY unique. Can it be a coincidence that there's a cemetery in Cobb County, GA with the extremely unique word "pyron" in its name? And that that said cemetery would be located so close to another cemetery with the words "Shady Grove" in its name? And that the Shady Grove Cemetery has a church with a white steeple? And that Cobb County contains multiple filming locations for TWD, including the filming location for the CDC? I mean ofc it can be a coincidence! But after Acheron, Pt. 1, I mostly stopped thinking about the cemetery coincidence because it just never came up again, UNTIL NOW, when I'm taken BACK to Acheron 1 via another real world clue related to the DC metrorail, and now I'm really starting to wonder. Are these...actual clues?

(Oh also I feel it's important to mention that the Pyron Shady Grove search can STILL be replicated to this day. Even though there is now a bunch of hits pertaining to it as a fictional location in TWDU, you can still find the hit for the cemetery on page 1 of Google)

Honestly, if I didn't know any better, I'd say that this clue is directing us back to this moment to rewatch, ie: the DC metrorail, the subway scene in Acheron 1. Maybe to google the Pyron Shady Grove sign, if we haven't already, on like a wild goose chase. Ofc I am a conspiracy theorist so...

@wdway

What struck me when I was reading is how you were talking about (Washington) DC metro rail in s11 and now you're talking about the DC subway in Dead City spin-off. Try and convince me that wasn't on purpose. Try. No, really I don't think you can convince me.

@galadrieljones

Not to mention that Acheron 1 and 2 are basically 100% Maggie/Negan tension and here we are…

@wdway

Okay, Miss Research Queen of TWDU. Here's your assignment. I've only watched the episode once, I only took one shot, I know it must mean something because Maggie all but come to a complete stop when she saw it. Let's see what magic you can do.

I have to tell you my mind went straight to some possible chapter and verse in the Bible. I have no idea what it could be. That's as far as I got.

@galadrieljones

I have not had time to look into that one yet tho it is 100% in my notes. My only initial observation was that Pennsylvania could be a reference to Rick and the CRM. I had not thought of the Bible but that is genius !

Okay I found out that LIRR Access means Long Island Railroad Access so we’re really cookin lol

Maggie really stares at this sign for a long time. I noticed that. She had a lot of interesting internal moments in this episode.

So literally it means 31st street-38th street. You can access the LIRR from Penn Station which is on 31st. I think I recall them talking about ing via “the thirties” when they were trying to decide how to get into the Croat’s sanctuary

Per your idea I also searched for Bible passages at 31:8. Everything comes up Deuteronomy 31:8 - “The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

@twdmusicboxmystery

While you were both mentioning Acheron and how it was all Maggie/Negan tension, I had a thought. If those episodes foreshadowed the current Maggie/Negan story in DC (and they totally do) the that might be a hint to where Daryl is while DC is happening. In Acheron and the following episodes, he was with Leah and the Reapers. So, while Maggie and Negan are in NY, is he with Beth? The CRM? Is that why Maggie didn’t ask him along? Probably. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

@galadrieljones

Yeah, I was trying to think along those same lines but I never got quite that far. Like, if this is showing us that Acheron was foreshadowing, what else from season 11 is foreshadowing? In 11a, it’s a bit inverted, as it’s Maggie being hunted, and now it’s Negan. Their relationship is also growing. It’s feeling healthier, or like there’s hope they can live side by side. Like that they no longer constantly want to kill each other.

These are inversions. In Acheron, Daryl runs off after Dog and “goes down the rabbit hole” alone. It’s worth noting that Carol isn’t even along. She’s back home, but she’s looking for someone—Connie. Daryl ends up looking a Beth imposter in the eye and then he’s abducted. He infiltrates an enemy faction and helps bring them down from the inside. Looks like in the spin-off, he may also find himself face to face with a Beth lookalike and fighting against an enemy faction.

Didn’t we hear in some leaked footage or something that the nun refers to Daryl as “the one,” or something like that? In Rendition, Pope refers to Daryl as a Chosen One. There’s a lot of parallel. Idk but it also seems weird that in both season 11 and the spin-off there’s a Beth lookalike. One is a nun, one works for a “Pope.” Will Beth actual be in some way entangled with Catholic imagery? I keep coming back to the DaVinci Code and the Louvre but it’s all to far and wide yet to find a template.

@wdway

I just want to throw out some thoughts I had while reading comments above. Acheron 1,2 is Maggie's mission that Daryl is helping her with. In RIP Maggie gives Daryl a mission to go explore for new communities.

At the end of Acheron 1, Daryl leaves Maggie and the group but tells Maggie that he'll meet up with her at the other end. Daryl leaves the group to go look for Dog (Dog=Beth?) because he heard Dog heard dog barking in the distance. He goes through an unknown space searching for Dog. I want to point out that it is at the other side of the tunnel where Daryl miraculously finds the Morningstar (Sirius/Beth?) that we hadn't seen for a long time.

Daryl and Dog fight walkers and sees a mural of how the rich uses their power over the poor but the poor rebel and bring down the rich (Commonwealth?). In this parallel tunnel/world to Maggie and group he comes across belongings of a brother and sister whose family has left them and that they go looking for (possibly the orphanage with the religious order of nuns).

Daryl and dog eventually makes their way back to Maggie and group just in time to join the fight and help save them. They all then meets the Reapers. This sequence of events are not exactly in the order that we saw them in the show, it's out of sequence, kind of like how the last scenes of RIP were.

On a fun note I've been watching the old TV series Medium. I always loved watching it back when it was airing. Guess who I saw today in an episode, a very young Kary Payton/Ezekiel.

@twdmusicboxmystery

Lol. He’s a baby!

Love your thoughts on the Acheron symbolism. Totally agree! I hadn’t gone through and figured out details, but it’s exactly the kind of thing I was thinking.

I was curious about the song that played in the background during the entire arena sequence. The lyrics are in another language, but the subtitles kept popping up with the name of the song, which made it seem important. So, I just googled it. The translation may be rough, but even so, there are definitely some fun Beth references here.

It almost has a "Struggling Man" vibe to it.

@wdway

You had me with the title, Dawn Will Cry.

@galadrieljones

Okay, also, guys I'm going to just share my general notes on "Everybody Wins a Prize" now, since I've got a bit of time! There were some interesting callbacks here, mainly, I thought, to season 4/5 and also to Glenn.

There were two death fake-outs in the episode. The first one was Hershel. The scene where they find the young boy in the chair, with Negan picking up his head, revealing it to be somebody else, and a live walker, really reminded me of the scene in Try when Daryl and Aaron find the blond walker, Daryl picks up her head, and she is NOT Beth.

Tommaso also has a death fake-out, when he's taken away by walkers and then reemerges. A lot of ppl on social media are worried that Tommaso has been bitten and that they're hiding it from us, and while I wouldn't be surprised if this was the case, I'm not so sure. It reminded me more of Tyreese in the end of "Isolation," when the car headed to the Veterinary College gets overwhelmed by walkers. The group escapes, but Tyreese stays behind, seemingly consumed by the horde. He ends up escaping unscathed, however. Ofc, he does die later on. So I'm not sure what this indicates.

Maggie's harmonica story was really interesting to me. It's a music reference and reminded me of Beth.

There is a crumbled, broken clock in this episode, which is another reference to seasons 4/5, particularly "Still" and "WHAWGO"

There are major cop references in this episode. They are in a massive parking garage, and Maggie shown near multiple cop cars

There is also a Winnebago in the parking garage. It's shown two times.

It's a Winnebago "Warrior," which is a real type of Winnebago and also a song by the Dead Kennedys

Bird cage sighting

There's a major visual Glenn reference with the CD as well, which the young woman with the short hair inserts into the AV system before turning it on and leaving.

It's the same exact shot

Reference to things "going sideways." I can't remember if this is common in TWD, but it's definitely mentioned in Coda, I think by Daryl.

And we've already discussed this, but the Subway is playing a big role here, which feels like a redirect back to Acheron 1 and 2.

Also, back to the harmonica, that whole part was a bit odd. It seems to come out of nowhere, and we never get to see who's playing it. It's almost like the wolf howling in "Diverged," ie: a clear audio cue and signal toward something. Maggie has her story and clearly she's thinking of Hershel, but both times it plays, she looks very inward and a bit confused. She has a lot of these "looks" in this episode, like she's remembering or realizing something.

Speaking of Hershel, we never saw him or any reference to him in this episode. There was also no reference to him in the preview for next week's. Based on his type of arc, it seems like he is going to be forced to survive in some way. It pulls reminders of both Andrea and Beth, who at one point have death wishes, or seem unwilling to survive. But when push comes to shove, they learn they want to live. I wonder if that will happen to Hershel.

There's also another shoe/boot reference in this episode. Negan and Armstrong end up in a shoe repair shop.

There is another Kennedy reference (re: Winnebago Warrior) via the Taxi with a flat rate service to JFK airport

I think this is it for my notes.

(aside from the crazy NAFC thing)

@wdway

I have some things to add to your episode list. First I want to say there is a reference to young Herschel, it's when Maggie is remembering when Herschel was pulled away and taken.

I think all the meat is ham.

A total call back to Andrea with the governor. The girl actually reminded me of the Tales episode with the one armed girl in The Preserve. More instruments for harm or for good depending on the person using them and their intentions. For me a bright Spotlight is always a call back to the lights around Beth at Grady especially Slabtown

I red fire extinguisher.

What looks like a single candle in the dark, a reference from Daryl about Beth. But it's over on the left side that's really intriguing, because there's what appears to be a red fire pull alarm and above it we only see two lines of a sign, I think the first word is in red, AND RETURN.

You mentioned the shoe repair store did you notice this.

@galadrieljones

The candle was memorable to me too and also reminded me of Beth and the last supper. It was used as a delayed fuse for the explosive bins which ignite the methane and blow the barricades, letting the walkers into the arena. I was trying to think of other instances of this, aside from the hwatcha.

@wdway

It reminded me of the scene in RIP where they rigged the record player and the bombs and when they blew them up wasn't the record playing mentioned jfk?

@galadrieljones

Turtle?

@wdway

It definitely looks like a turtle to me. I should say a paperweight turtle, haha.

@galadrieljones

I did but I didn’t write it down!! I was overwhelmed with imagery and forgot till just now

@wdway

Not sure exactly what this says other than we can make out the year so it was purposely done this is when they were walking through the garage. Of course I obviously enlarged it.

I feel the vase near the paperweight Turtle to be interesting, it looks familiar

I was also going to say all the things that relate to jfk. The president that was shot in the head on the 22nd of November.

@wdway replied to themself

The vase looks Greek to me.

@galadrieljones

That’s what I was trying to think of! Thank you. And yes the song is “Cult of Personality” by Living Color. There’s a Kennedy ref in the song (among many references) and I think a sound clip of one of his speeches?

Also, I like your comparison of the urn to a Grecian Urn. That really stands out in a shoe repair shop. Idk if it could be a reference to the famous Keats poem Ode in a Grecian Urn which is all about the silence and yet actually shares a lot of themes with FG’s sermon in WHAWGO, ie: what lives and what is seen is temporary, but that which cannot be seen, and which exists only hypothetically or in the realm of belief (in this case, art), is eternal. I remember Keats well from college. This is his most famous Ode and contains the famous line “Beauty is truth, truth beauty.”

I may be reading too much into this but there’s already apparently been a Les Miserables reference in DC and like I said earlier a shoe repair shop is an odd setting for a Grecian Urn

Also sorry for all the typos above lol. I got excited about the possibility of a Keats reference Would fit nicely with all the Frost references. Is Gimple a poetry fan?

There’s a stanza in Ode on a Grecian Urn that that references basically the eternal truth of unrealized love: Heard melodies are sweet, but those unheard Are sweeter; therefore, ye soft pipes, play on[…] Really reminds me of FG’s sermon. This stanza reminds me of Daryl and Beth, in how they never kiss and so their love is sort of suspended between life and death. It is initiated but never realized and in this lives forever. What never lived can never die. Seems romantic, but we see how this lack of closure has ruined Daryl: Bold Lover, never, never canst thou kiss, Though winning near the goal—yet, do not grieve; She cannot fade, though thou hast not thy bliss, For ever wilt thou love, and she be fair!

This stanza is specifically about love and how a lover who is never kissed or with whom love is never realized will remain forever young, and the love will never die. Once again, that which never lives, never dies. It could be about the bittersweet of a short life. Keats had tuberculosis and died very young.

(I’ll stop with the poetry now LOL. Nuns and poetry; a big day for me )

@wdway

Seriously, if TWD can drop hints using Frost references than why not Keats! It is not like they're leaving this for the general audience. And that's not a slam on them, it's just that they leave these types of things for a very few. Probably more than we realized, but still in the scheme of things a very small amount of people. I would have never thought of the poem by Keats, but together I helped to spark the thought for you and I think it's very valid. The poems beautiful and it fits Daryl memory of Beth. For ever wilt thou love, and she be fair!

About the strict order of the nuns. Did that not remind you of the very zealous monk dressed man on a mission from the church in the book/ movie, The DaVinci code? Certainly feels that way to me.

@galadrieljones

Good call, yeah I think his name was Silas

@wdway

Silas A tie in to TWB?

@galadrieljones

Probably on purpose! Lol. The names in WB are really on the nose in some ways: “Hope,” “Iris,” “Leo,” “Lyla” (Lie-la)

@wdway

Definitely. Iris is not only a flower but could always be the iris of the eye.

Negan's been talking an awful lot about Hope lately

@galadrieljones

Yes that’s how I see it, ie: Iris “sees.”

Good point. Remember the French doctor too in the coda. She says the phrase “hope beyond hope” twice

@wdway

Yes, and remember how I went through and compared it to the Beth's monologue and Inmates. Her speaking of hope. And those episodes were written by the same person.

@galadrieljones

Hope was staying with Dr. Ellis to continue their research. He seems to be affiliated with the French teams, somehow. Eugene references him in connection to the Human Genome Project. At the Pasteur Institude, they specifically are known for DNA sequencing new viruses and pathogens. Hope is near?

@galadrieljones

Wait which writer?

@wdway

Matthew Negrete.

@wdway

He was also the showrunner for tbw

@wdway

He and Canning Powell wrote, Inmates, Slabtown and others. He was the showrunner for TWB she the showrunner for Tales, I believe.

@galadrieljones

Right! Ty. Also wrote Indifference, Slabtown, and Consumed

Yep Powell was showrunner for Tales!

She also wrote Davon specifically

@wdway

Yes. Remember I did that long list of all of his episodes. It's been a couple of months but Liesel used it on her post so you could probably go back and find the whole thing.

It does same as if these writers communicate with each other. That there is an ultimate storyline that ties this all together. Don't tell the carylers they would never believe it, haha. I couldn't help myself.

@galadrieljones

Yeah i did a similar thing some time ago, trying to see whether there was a “cabal” of writers who know or have insight into Gimple’s “Grand Scheme.” It was like Kang, Negrete, Powell, and Cory Reid.

[maschotch]

hello I've been an on-and-off CM enjoyer(?) for a decade, with Hotch being my main area of interest… I just spent literal hours going through your blog lol. tbh it was exactly the kind of CM content I desperately wanted but had trouble finding initially (jfc the sea of x reader I had to wade through) anyway I stopped watching full eps at around S5, but I'm aware of how things go for Hotch and I'm v bitter about the missed opportunities. maybe a popular opinion in the fandom, but I've always hated how the Foyet attack was glossed over for example - my disbelief when I first watched 5x02 and Hotch just... shows up to work?? why'd they bother with such a major injury if its consequences were limited to one (1) episode years later, and even then the mental trauma was 99% ignored. no mention of meds/painkillers/recovery? nothing about "your scars are gonna look just the same"?? BUT that almost pales in comparison to all the other Hotchner things you got me thinking about, like his subtle aversion to fire or autistic traits or other facets of his character/relationships that are soooo tantalizingly hinted at but not expanded upon. I don't know the whole show that well so idk how Hotch fared compared to other characters but it felt like we got crumbs, especially since he was there for 11 goddamn seasons sorry this is so long but I've never talked CM to anyone before and you've made me love Hotch even more as a character, and now I'll have to further stew in my despair over him getting zero closure

i have similar issues with the show and fandom. the show looooves to traumatize its characters and then pretend it didnt even happen the second the arc is over. i understand its the nature of an episodic show like this (and i love that style for this show! i do!) but they could MENTION how hotch has scars (especially in season 10 when theyre all comparing scars on the plane) or how he needs medication (considering thats the only reason why they found foyet in the first place). foyet was the first big arc, so i understand why they needed to get on with it and bring hotch back to work by 5x02, but i wish they’d had an extra episode in between dealing with the team’s emotions about their leader being attacked (the way we kinda see them reeling from haley’s death and the potential of hotch not returning in 5x11 (or whatever the next ep after 100 is)).

no matter who your favorite cm character is, anyone can have the same complaint of them not following through about what undergoing these kind of traumatic events would mean for the characters. it’s definitely a sore point with criminal minds. especially because the only time they do it is when they want a character to leave (like gideon, blake, and kate). it fucking sucks bc there’s so much potential

and that’s where i feel like the fandom lets me down too. there’s not a lot of talk about it—mostly it’s just self inserts and shipping. there’s hardly any good character analysis out there, but that’s why i started this blog in the first place: if it doesn’t exist, make it yourself! (i would encourage you to do the same if you still feel this way. i talk shit ab the fandom all day but i still get so much positivity despite that from people who value the characters just as much but express it differently)

sorry for getting to this ask so late! maybe you’ll come across it eventually. if you do, let me know your other thoughts on the show/fandom! if youve seen more, if youve interacted more, or if you just have more to say!

[invisiblegarters]

Be My Favorite Ep 11

Last Week: Pear was too decent for anyone in this show, Kwan finally figured out Not is the worst, Kawi and Pisaeng did the do.

This week: my frustration with tumblr is reaching a boiling point, I don't know why I'm even bothering with this when literally no one will even see it. But I truck on because at this point it's habit.

Joy.

Oh interesting, parent meeting about the kiddos. I wonder sometimes if the reason that PIsaeng and Pear were getting married in an alt timeline (at least one of them) is because of these two, but at least in the current one they both seem fairly willing to let their kids be.

And once again, Pear is way nicer than I would be. Mom was selfish. The end. I do get feeling trapped by a life you don't want, but did she not make the decision to be married and have a child? And then she made that child suffer so that she could go off and achieve her dreams, and then had the gall to thank her, to not apologize or appear to feel any remorse for just exiting her life.

But.

But it's probably better for Pear in the long run if she can let go of the bitterness. So for her sake, I'm glad.

Kwan just delete those pics and move on, babe. Not's not worth all this.

So I guess they were going for nerves last week. Clumsily done. So tired of the blushing maiden thing in general, honestly. Can we please retire it forever along with the crazy ex faen trope? Can we please, please, please stop sending the message that one person in the relationship has to be shy and reserved and scared of sex while the other pushes them forward? It's so fucking detrimental, and it just feeds into this idea that to be a "good" girl (or the bottom in BL, because it's always the bottom isn't it? sigh) you can't actually desire sex, can't want it, or you can want it but you also have to pretend not to because good girls don't (but I do). And I'm so so tired of it. SO tired. People have enough hang ups about sex all on their own without media reinforcing this bullshit.

Last week I said that I would hesitantly trust this show with an asexual storyline. I want to take that back now. My trust is revoked, you couldn't handle it properly, show. There's literally nothing wrong with being hesitant about sleeping with someone for the first time (or not wanting to sleep with anyone at all), but there's a way to do it and this show...did not.

Well that theory that the old man is future!Kawi is certainly looking more correct. How else would he know to show up and scold him.

I know how you can get rich, Kawi. Be Pisaeng's sugar baby.

Okay sir, hush your face about in-depth analysis. I am feeling very called out right now.

Yesss thank you dude. It's like with dad. Kawi couldn't prevent his death because he was always going to go. Dad's death is a fixed point. But what Kawi could do - what he finally did do - was fix his relationship with him. He opened up, he told his dad he loves him, he did the work.

Alrighty so we're flashbacking through the rest of college now? This is weird, especially after going through everything else so slowly (if they fast fowarded through a Not redemption I will throw the most massive fit (and for once be glad for this stupid shadowban, since then no one will see the massive tantrum)). If you've done all you meant to why are you not going back to the future (heh) Kawi?

Why is he still asking this question?

And now we're montaging through living together. This ep is turning into the Oprah of montages - and you get a montage! And you get a montage. This makes me more certain than ever that Pisaeng has been doing his own time traveling. The domesticity is cute though.

Pear and Kwan arrived to Christmas together! Still shipping it even though I know it won't come true. Sigh. At least Not isn't at the table. For a hot second I thought he was, that Pear was hugging him, and I almost lost it. But nope, it was Kawi lol. I was about to throw down with this show.

Do NOT test me show I am not in the mood.

Fifteenth time's the charm, eh, Pearmei? Granted it's not like you know that since you don't remember all the timelines, but still.

Me the second I see Pisaeng pulling out those pills: are they gonna kill him off? Would they do that?

Why is this where my brain goes? I mean, it was instant. Just, BOOM are they killing Pisaeng.

Ah, the good old wipe them down when they're sick trope. Good times.

"Do you think I'll die?" Pffft, me and Pisaeng are on the same wavelength. But also maybe don't tease Kawi like that the dude has several issues around his loved ones dying okay. Don't make him pull out that music box, Pisaeng.

HAHAHA is that the first grey hair oh noooo! Fun fact: my sis found her first one when she was like 22. She was not best pleased.

Oh no all this joking about Pisaeng dying but is it going to be Kawi instead? And why do I keep expecting death? People get ill, self.

Ugh, yes, the harsh realities of having no rights regarding the partner you've lived with for years - rights that would be given by default to a straight couple. God I hate it, but I'm happy to see this drum being banged. Because it should be.

Poor Pisaeng. So maybe he didn't travel in time before, but he sure as hell is going to now, because I think Kawi is actually going to die. Or Pisaeng is going to be so terrified of it happening that he can't help himself. But to change it or to make sure it never happens by cutting himself off from Kawi before it can? And then staying in the closet, going abroad, marrying Pear?

Because I truly think that he'd lock them all into a shitty future just to save Kawi's life.

Well at least he tells Kawi what happened.

Have to say, the end part saved this ep for me. I don't know if it's just that I'm already kind of pissed off (thanks tumblr!) or if this ep just started off rough, but I was not feeling it at the beginning. I really want to like this show all the way through. Please don't screw it up in the final hour. Please.

[jadelotusflower]

Yay! I’ve been looking forward to your yellow colour analysis for Lois in Smallville!! I definitely agree that Lois being in yellow, most of the time, was done very deliberately. Once I stated paying close attention to the colours I realized that way more thought was put into Lois’ clothes than I’d been aware of before. And yeah when you pay attention the abundance of yellow props, background colours and lighting really stands out too.

Another reason I think the yellow was very deliberate is the fact that yellow isn’t used as the main or only colour in clothing all that often. Which means the costume department were deliberately sourcing all those yellow things for Lois. I think there was very little “oh this is a cute top that just happens to be yellow” happening.

I too adored Lois’ collection of super cute flannel pjs!!! And given how sexualized so much of her wardrobe tended to be it was refreshing to have her be in completely non sexualized pjs most of the time. That must have been a nice break for Erica. [sidenote the overt sexualization of so many female characters, many of them teenage girls, in this period of TV is very 😬 on rewatch. Also 😬is how much I didn’t notice it at the time, when I myself was teenage girl and young women]

I was not aware that people said that Lois was “going through” the justice league because of her relationships with a Oliver and AC. Ugh, people suck.

And “sibling dynamic”? Seriously? Do those people not have siblings? I have a brother, we do not look at each other like that! And I can tell you I would NEVER give my brother a lap dance, no matter the circumstances!! Lois and Clark’s chemistry leapt off the screen from their first episode together. Even *Lana picked up on it for goodness sake. It may have taken Lois and Clark years to get together but they were obviously attracted to each other from the very start. From Chloe to Lana to Oliver pretty much everyone saw the attraction. Except for a Lois and Clark of course!

So yeah thanks for this post, looking forward to part two!!

*I do feel bad for Clana shippers sometimes, it must have sucked to have the Clois endgame shoved in their faces so much. I mean take Exposed for example. The song playing during Lois’ striptease is Don’t Cha (wish your girlfriend was hot like me?) and Clark and Lana are dating during this time! And then there is Clark’s flirty AF “aye aye solider” right at the end of the ep. Sir! You have a girlfriend!

It took a literal age, but I got it posted 😅

The use of red/yellow/blue is so present in everything once you really start looking. I think Clark wears a yellow tshirt once or twice in the first few seasons, Martha wears yellow occasionally, and so some other characters but they definitely leaned into it for Lois, which I love.

Lois is often sexualised in a way that is often uncomfortable, there’s a difference between ‘this character likes feeling sexy and owns her sexuality’ which I think does apply to Lois, but then there’s the times that they just stick her the sexy lamp territory for the drool factor which is painfully 00’s. Which is why I do like that Lois does have her ‘standard’ clothes of shirt jeans jacket rather than all glam all the time (and the pjs! so cute!)

Fandom’s gonna fandom, but there was some really toxic stuff back in the day about Lois; that she wasn’t the ‘iconic Lois’, that she should have died and Chloe taken her name because she was more Lois-like (lol, no), that she and Clark had no chemistry/were like siblings (again, lol), slut shaming her for relationships, etc. I’m glad that doesn’t seem to be as prevalent in the fandom today.

Thanks for the message anon, I always love talking Smallville!

[bossbutch]

umineko ch 8

chapter 8 is when umineko formally asks you to solve some gosh darn puzzles and i read it while being beset by chronic migraine. i finished reading back when i posted the previous seagull posts, and meant to organize my notes more but no ones reading these anyway so fuck it, raw notes. i realize only now that i've been providing reactions without much context to what i'm reacting to which surely makes it hard to follow. uu-uu.

so ange Is the pov character now. battlers goal must be more than to show ange that eva didnt do it. bc a version of her learning that was Torture "Ushiromiya Battler, the man who loses strategically to win in the end!" so i expected the Quiz Tournament to be About Umineko, not solving age-appropriate riddles for a 6yo lol. not complaining though [notes written while solving layton riddles are not interesting]. my result was 13/17, which i consider a pathetic showing. kumasawa, nanjo, rosa, and maria beat me. b-but only because i didn't really try some of them.

chap 8 part 2 bernies mystery i started reading this at work and decided to read it at home where i can easily have multiple tabs visible and that sort of thing.

solved bernie's mystery first try B) though my logic was significantly looser than theirs i started with "if battler was the liar, what would that imply" and didn't like the results

"interrupting the red" seems kinda bullshit, but ok

literally "you can't handle the truth"

trying to listen to the music for the "ange beato crashes the party" scene and i get 20 seconds into a song before its time for a new one because i read much faster than the VN would display text

time for GOOFY ACTION YAYYYY

sorry battler but im kind of a goat?

YEAHHHH FUCK THE AUDIENCE!!!! KILL US!!

i disagree w battler about the idea of "things youre better off not knowing". his examples are ticks in seats on a train or crap in tap water. sure some people wouldnt want to know that

i guess there are such thing as "truths someone is unprepared for" and its more like that. but that can be "solved" with the right "supplemental truths"

showing a logic duel without giving the reader anything to theorize on is a Big Intentional Shift

man. i love umineko. i really wish 07 had used a different metaphor than shrodingers cat

beato to ange: "Parents have the right to prevent their children from making unsuitable choices." i mean. true to the extent that youd prevent six year old ange from walking around by herself, not true when she's an adult. but yeah you would think that wouldn't you

i think posing "caring about the truth and being sad and living in the past / dying" and "not knowing the truth and being happy and living in the present/future" as a Dichotomy is pretty slimy, so i just gotta hope ange will Take The Third Option

i still contend that Ange's Future is still a fantasy world. look here's a witch (featherine) using the red text in it!

i've heard the manga reveals secrets at the end with much more clarity than the book… that seems to be against the Themes of ch8 lol

"i didnt have surgery after an accident because that felt like it would kill my identity" shut upppp

ikuko's servants arent narratively People and that sucks

"using a computer in the dark is bad for your eyes" Caught

asumu and kinzo's original wife have both been treated really badly lol

ERIKA GOT A SILLY HAT!!!!!!!

theres a frame where beato stands in front of one of the bunnies and it looks like she has ears lol

beato: im tired of the bullshit after ep4

yayyyy erika gets trolled again

"LAMBDAAAAAAAAAAAAAWG"

fiction loves characters who constantly believe in 1% chances

were all these CGs in the original?

medulla oblongata!!!! truly everyone's favorite characters are here!

im not an Action Fan, i like it for the goofiness mostly, but i would like to see kyrie and rudolf In Action

and what a goof this is. let's have a sword duel on the bow of a pirate ship

i had (mentally) written a full analysis of erika after ep 6. yes she appears in episode 8 but fully as a Piece, theres nothing more to her Character to be revealed or discussed? funny hat though

VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN

yay more taking the piss out of power scalers and crossovers

the Thrust of anges character is that she wants the company of someone who was impacted in The Rokkenjima Incident so she wants someone to have secretly survived but. nanjo and kumasawa's children are still alive. they were affected in mostly the same way she was. i know i know emotionally not the point from her POV

so in the Magic Ending (which im reading first bc i think bad endings come before good endings), ange gives all her money back to the family instead of charity. booooo

and the "trick ending" is She Becomes Erika. bah.

featherine: "I believe one should write a tale to an appropriate point, then leave the aftertaste and opinions to the minds of the spectators." 'it would be a mistake to, for example, write additional chapters just because people want and would pay for more umineko Content'

"we'll meet again when something else cries" Oh Boy Bernie and Lambda Definitely My Favorite Characters Are In The Sequel

ok lol that sakotarou is the star of in universe One Piece

grrrr ange talking about Gods Will! i fundamentally disagree with your philosophy, umineko, no matter how well you're written!

ok well they're bringing me back with trauma induced dissociation stuff. no but theyre doing it in a "truth thats too hard to handle" way. but he's acknowledging that not contacting ange was a mistake at least.

---- so that's umineko. i ended it in a little of a sour mood because i was missing a crucial part of The Point.

i was pissy about the whole "things you're better off not knowing" theme because i dont think thats true in reality. but i had forgotten that umineko is About storytelling before anything else. and in the context of stories, there's plenty of good reasons to leave something as unknown, ambiguous, or only implied.

yeah i think the answer arcs could've lead to an ending that i, personally, preferred more, while still staying consistent with the themes and puzzles and stuff, and i think that it could've even been edited down to seven shorter chapters without losing anything meaningful. BUT that ending would only satisfy me, and a hypothetical editor could have removed scenes i liked just as easily as they could remove things i found redundant. so if there can only be One Umineko for Everyone, better to have a little too much of it. but- i think it's fun to imagine alternate ways the answer arcs could have gone while still keeping yasu and kinzo's general backstories. in the same way that it is fun to idly imagine "what if star wars was good". not to say umineko is bad of course, i loved it. game of the year. book of the year. both it's both of them. just i mean it's a fun imagination space to play in. which was part of what they were talking about with not revealing everything, that i was missing initially. i'm very curious to see what fanmade Forgeries are like! but that is something to check out Later. misc thoughts at the end..

hey is yasu nonbinary, or only in the reality where they're not thrown off a cliff and abandoned? everyone uses feminine language for yasu in the ep7 flashback, and in a magic understanding they spend most of their time presenting as beatrice, and more of their identities are female, but kanon is always there, there's no moment of like, Disavowal. and with lion theyre more like "my gender is None Of Your Business teehee" than "i am nonbinary". which, i dunno, its consistent with both umineko and a lot of my friends for yasu's gender to not have an easy one word description, right. yeah it was written in 2011 but i think if it was written in 2021 it would probably be handled the same way.

i saw the thread where people found basically every character's outfit in lolita fashion magazines from shortly before umineko released, and like, whatever. could it be less blatant, yeah, but original release umineko was a writer doing character designs anyway, you've seen the wonderfully wonky original art. it's funny more than anything.

[feuqueerfire]

I posted 1,328 times in 2022

That's 1,328 more posts than 2021!

131 posts created (10%)

1,197 posts reblogged (90%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

gunsatthaphan

rythyme

seekingidlewild

coldties

heretherebedork

I tagged 1,325 of my posts in 2022

#kinnporsche - 242 posts

#the eclipse - 210 posts

#not me - 132 posts

#scene - 105 posts

#love in the air - 103 posts

#vegaspete - 87 posts

#bad buddy - 78 posts

#analysis - 70 posts

#ep by ep commentary - 69 posts

#characterization and dynamics - 64 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#are these the youtube subs? iqiyi had 'rain belongs to p’payu now' which is the same thing bc rain is the first person pronoun and p'payu is

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Semantic Error Interviews

I wasn't gonna watch Jaechan and Seoham's interviews because Seoham's literally in the military already and I can't afford to get invested in someone who's not even here. However... they're endearing in the few I'd seen or interview translations I'd read, so I gave in lol

Watched:

some random compilations

How Close Are You Two to Each Other? 스포츠경향: They answered questions about each other and the show

서함X재찬의 동계 MT현장: They play games and answer quizzes. It's fun

To Watch:

WATCHA Game Item Hidden in Box

Maybe some of the Making Of and Behind videos of the show

Watcha Party Live 1 (+ more in that channel)

Edits:

women of semantic error (cr: 4pawats on Twitter): please if there's a season 2, I need them to meet (and date)

a yuna edit (cd: thornfah on twitter): she's just soooo cool

53 notes - Posted March 15, 2022

#4

i have so many thoughts about post-canon patpran and one of them is do the high school friends ever find out about the two of them and how do they react?

another high school reunion 10 years later, i'm assuming they're married by now and their parents have had to come around: do they arrive together with rings on their fingers? shocking their friends from the get go?

or do they arrive separately like last time, their friends joking about the enemy arriving? maybe the two of them share smiles, so pat’s old friends are like glad you’ve grown up and put it behind you. maybe now that they’re all mid-30s they talk about spouses and pat’s ring begs questions but he waves them off with “it’s a ~secret~” only to have his friends be flabbergasted when halfway through the night pran and pat are found laughing together, wearing matching rings?

80 notes - Posted February 16, 2022

#3

life these days really is just me trying to read or watch something new and then choosing to read bad buddy fic or rewatch a bad buddy clip instead

103 notes - Posted February 27, 2022

#2

I only know Porsche from these episode 1 Tumblr gifsets but if anything happened to this slutty, charming dude I would kill everybody in this room and then myself

131 notes - Posted April 2, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

The Cafe For All/Cafe of Diversity

When I think of pride flags and displays of (diverse) queerness in BLs, I think of Not Me and tangentially Badhaai Do because of their giant pride flag scenes which included protests, joy/euphoria, fighting for rights, celebration, and were just momentous occasions. I loved those scenes.

What I love about The Cafe for All is how it's not as euphoric nor rare, I love the cafe with its casual display of queerness and community, just a space for queer people to safely exist and be themselves. You can spend time with your friends there, you can invite people into your little world there, you can divulge your struggles to your mom there and you can spy on your friends/frenemies there. You can be assured that you are not alone there.

146 notes - Posted September 2, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[angelpinkpasta]

sigh I was just gonna reply ‘they’re kinda complex’.. but wrote all this instead. here’s an analysis on their relationship bc its been on my mind for too long n its getting ridiculous LMAO. I had the time🤧:

Olly and Paisley knew each other since they were literal babies. Paisley struggled making friends growing up as she was very shy, and this worsened when her mother, who she loved and connected with so dearly, passed away. The only person there for a long time other than her dad and sibling was Olly - her close childhood best friend, making communicating with him not so hard for her. their memories mean a lot to the both of them esp her. For Paisley, this rlly was her closest and most important friend. Loosing him would be like loosing her only accepting friend - a major person from her past. (There is liann too ig but I’m not sure if they’re knew each other as kids?). Just to mention, Paisley is someone who stays close to the past (the annex, her mom, her childhood treehouse, it all means so much to keep that part of herself with her. Olly is a huge part of that.).

It seemed that she was in awe of what he did to help her with the annex. Might've even developed a crush - she loves her childhood best friend for how impactful he has been in her life. So when he started to act a lil off, she was confused, maybe a little blind to what he was making her do. Even when he started talking too much about his excitement for Ley-la, she still tries to be there for him. Doing what he likes most will keep him around (putting on that show whether she's comfortable or not) and she just genuinely cares for him. She couldve easily talk to him (she seemed comfortable w him before the leyla thing happened), but after the both that and annex situation she might've been in denial about his actions. He was being so thoughtful, surely he didn’t mean wrong now. She already lost her mom, she cannot lose her only close friend too. Idk what I'm trying to explain lol. just. just hear me for a sec guys. she’s afraid of losing him. ((SPOILER// even literally hiding when he’s around… maybe she’s afraid of making him mad, which eventually means losing him?? he kinda toxic uh))

Olly, as the lil shi he is /j, is still also complex. He grew up with a working class family (friends lore) so i assume his parents were not around him so much in his childhood. Him and Pais were neighbours so he would spend his time with her and her family. He found her mom a very inspiring person, kindhearted and loving seemingly unlike what his own parents had time to give him (so he empathized for what paisley was going through after losing her mom). What gave him attention were the costumes he enjoyed making, maybe boosting his family money a bit. So he sees himself as someone who could make dreams come true if he just gets to work on it. Boom.

Like Pais, his childhood friend does mean a lot to him (maybe not as much as her, but he still brings up their childhood here n there). When it comes to his possible feelings for her... it could be one thing or another.

Possibility One: ok uh. he doesn't have a crush on her. He thinks he does. He is fruity. He just has internalized homophobia and is projecting that onto paisley who he thinks he likes. Might explain a bit of his blindness towards her, thinking he is doing what a guy would do for his girl to love him, but messes it up. ("Oh I'm doing something she would love so it's working out right???"). Might explain his fear that Zac would take her away from him. help.

Possibility two: he does love her. This might act be more accurate just based on him caring bout her while also blushing and getting all shy around her that one ep. Also his reaction to her preform. Or his jealousy of Zac. Anyway. He initially really wanted to do this for her, but it was also a huge interest of his own for a long time too. he thought if both of them get what they want, esp her, they would both be happy. And together forever. He kept that in mind somewhere but fame rlly got to him, he ended up caring bout that more.

I mean. Olly gets confusing. There were times it just seemed he was blind... and some even manipulative??? When you rewatch the scene at the lunch table, where he gives her those eyes, and when she says she can't dance, he then talks about his costumes. Then knowing how kind Pais is, she immediately encourages him (probably feeling bad knowing what he's been through in his childhood, wanting him to finally have his moment.) and it distracts her from even giving that talk. He either didn't mean for this... or knew her feelings right there and just wanted to get his way, to make her go for his perspective. There was also that scene before he yelled at Zac (bro should chill😭) and claimed 'we’re in this together' despite the fact she said she 'can't do this alone’. She is in a struggling state, and he seems either unaware, or very aware and trying to get her on his side. anywayz

I dont wanna spoil much so I’ll leave it here. uh. all I’ll say is that i dont think their relationship is set in stone, i think there’s a chance they can improve it, but based on that ending there’s also that side that just seems bad for the both of them if they dont work it out. In this essay i will

im just rambling.

I wonder how many still ship Olly & Paisley after S2

It's clear that Olly cares more about his fame than Paisley's wellbeing.

[antthonystark]

hey mavra! no pressure if you're not feeling up to it, but could you maybe talk about how malec is a good and healthy couple for a minute? i won't go into it too much but i saw someone make a post about how it was bad bc of the age gap and it just. made me feel a little bad. and i don't want to ever feel bad for shipping it bc?? as a young lgbt person (wlw rather than mlm, but still) it just means a lot to me as a ship. again, only if you want to! ilu, have an awesome day

yes yes of course i’m always here for some positivity! 

first quick thing, about the age gap - like, when you bring immortality into the picture, it becomes a lot more difficult to deal with “age gaps”. immortality isn’t something that we as humans have dealt with in a relationship context, so it’s much more difficult to say what should be considered healthy wrt immortality, since it’s not really something that we as a society have had to think about. especially given that i think immortality doesn’t equate to old age, but rather to a certain kind of agelessness that is difficult to fathom into normal human terms, since there is no finite “end point”. (plus, it’s not like alec isn’t a consenting adult. if he were, say, 17, it would be iffy.)

but that notwithstanding, how isn’t malec a good and healthy couple? it’s all about communication and understanding and mutual respect, and malec has that in spades. i mean, most of the bad things that anyone (usually book fans tbh) have said about malec in the show just doesn’t hold up to scrutiny at all. 

like in season one, okay, they meet and they’re both clearly attracted to each other. magnus flirts with him a bit in 1x04 in front of everyone, and then comes to realize how deeply closeted he is and never does it again, and assures him, “there’s nothing to be ashamed of” but doesn’t push the issue because alec clearly doesn’t want to talk about it. like, that’s the first episode in which they meet?? already #relationshipgoals and they’ve known each other for like 2 minutes tbh 

and later in the season when alec is basically like, “hey i can’t do this” magnus never pushes him or anything like that. in 1x09, he basically says “okay bye then” and doesn’t see alec again until alec seeks him out for help in 1x11. and the only thing he says to alec is that he’s going to be miserable if he follows through with the arranged marriage. he’s not even saying “hey, be with me”, he’s just like “hey, this is going to fucking suck for you and i’m not too chuffed about it either” yknow? but every single time, he gives alec the choice, and responds to whatever alec’s choice is (1x09, alec says nah, magnus is like “goodbye alexander”; 1x12, he says “i’ll leave if alec asks me to”). so it’s just a very, very respectful pre-relationship in my opinion. 

and just!!! magnus is SO understanding of alec that i just love it?? like at almost every point where alec is struggling to speak or get words out he either says “i understand” or gently helps him come to his point. and that’s just in dialogue but i think it speaks to a deeper understanding that magnus has of alec (and one that’s developing vice versa) and i find it really really really really lovely tbh. 

and that’s just talking about magnus. something i love about what they’ve done with alec is that they never never made alec demanding of magnus in any capacity like many other characters are - he helps magnus in 1x06 and gives him his strength, and in 1x11 he’s basically like “hey i wanted to ask for your help but like you probably cant give it sorry to bother you okay bye then” like it’s so cute?? but also it again speaks to something deeper, where there’s this fundamental respect for one another. and this trend continues into season 2, where we see alec giving magnus gifts, and sort of not forcing anything from magnus? like it’s abundantly clear that this giant precious boy just loves magnus for who he is, and not what magnus is able to do for him. 

and also, they’re not always perfectly lovely to each other, but when there’s fighting or tension, it’s always always resolved with such good communication that it’s not unhealthy, but rather just realistic. like 2x01 is such a brilliant example of this, which is the only time alec is demanding and rude to magnus, and right after that happens, alec apologizes and not only that, demonstrates that he understands why what he said was wrong, and it’s not brushed under the rug that he said something that wasn’t appropriate - it was acknowledged, forgiven, and then they got something out of that - “don’t push me away next time you’re worried or stressed - we have to be here for each other” type of thing. so it really is just remarkable. 

i mean i could go on and on and analyze every single one of their interactions and moments and dialogues and movements because everything about this ship is absolutely perfect, but i think that would be a little bit much even for you.

so i’ll conclude this spiel by telling everyone to VOTE FOR MALEC BECAUSE THEY’RE AMAZING!!!!

[confusedspaceotter]

Daily avatrice analysis (day 2)

day1 day2 day3 day4 day5 day6 day7 day8 day9

Hello and welcome to day 2!

I love to see you guys adding on to my analysis! please keep doing that, agree with me, fight with me, whatever you wanna say, let's talk about avatrice together :))))

So

Season 1 Ep 3 (yes im doing this in chronological order cause why not)

ah yes the first breakthrough of avatrice 

where we got some actual interaction between the two

(surprise is still not the canteen scene lol)

But here Bea said “and if she dies?” does indicate there is some level of empathy from Bea

Since she no longer view Ava as just the mission, then a actual person after seeing her 

here we can see that Bea took the more soft and suggestive approach(compared to lilith which is more demanding) to calm Ava down

Further suggesting there has been a change in Bea’s attitude towards Ava(as shown in the gif below)

which leads to the first time they interacted one on one(yesss is the canteen scene)

Bear in mind that this scene happened after she sparred with(pissed off)Lilith and mother superion

She is starting to pick up that the members of the OCS didn't exactly give her the warm welcome, making this interaction more heartwarming in a way

It just makes so much sense that Beatrice is the one who welcomed Ava into the OCS

If I have to guess why

must be because this is how Beatrice feel when she first arrive to the boarding school her parents shipped her to

an outcast, the odd one out of the bunch, someone who stands out

and she doesn't want Ava to experience what she hand been through 

so she decided to be the one who welcome her and try to help her fit in 

Which Ava gladly accepted(I mean who wouldn’t is Bea we are talking about here)

now back to the scene

(this is kinda out of topic but NO ONE sits with Bea??? How??? Where is camila??)

reasons why I think Ava does this assessment thing and why is it important:

a. from being quadriplegic she quite literally had to intact with people by observing them since she can’t initiate the interaction with physical contact 

b. confirming the avatrice endgame agenda (Bea was saving the sit for ava, and giving of friendly vibes because she wanna help/get to know ava more)

Father Simon did say that they planned Avatrice from this start so

c.she took inspiration from shows she watched and she recognize the trope(potential love interest trying to subtly interact with main protagonist) 

(you can't tell me this is not what happeded lol)

anyway

Starting of a conversation with a joking manner, classic Ava silva

which were met with Bea trying to ground her to reality/truth that is Ava needs to start seeing the bigger picture here

Bea your logical is showing 

Bea countering Ava’s attempts to underestimate the situation with logical explanations we love to see it

To be fair Ava is just trying to lighten the mood which is understandable but is not what Bea and rest of the OCS sees

OCS saw Ava as someone who was unfit to bear the Halo, which yeah I kinda have to agree with the OCS

but Ava’s weakness(? is also her strength

her out of the box mindset is literally what saved the world in s2

the OCS needed someone with a fresh pair of eyes

normally that would be Mary

but with Ava being the new kid in town, the collective dislike towards people/ideas that are solar opposites to the religious traditional cathlic values that OCS follows went to her instead

(okay i'm getting off topic again back to avatrice

This is where Ava realized that shit is real

People have died(Rip Shannon 

Now is not the time to take things lightly 

So being the kind hearted kid that she is

She asks Bea what’s Shannon like 

As a way to try to comfort Bea

Really love the way Ava is looking at Bea while she is reminiscing her first encounter with Shannon 

Moments like these reminds me how kid like Ava is

Yeah sure she’s an adult(19 years old is still young as hell btw, as a fellow 19 year old)

But because of what happened to her 

The child like behavior never fades into adult responsibilities

The way Ava looks at Bea like a kid listening to their parents telling them stories is just ughhhhh

(Plus Alba had no reason looking this good

Avatrice really said:

Anyway the conversation ends with Bea and Ava bonding over being the odd one and Bea encouraging her to give OCS a shot 

okay thats a lot of words what the hell

so i think i'm going to continue the first avatrice hug and that hallway scene tmr

stay tuned for ep 3 part 2 :)

day3

[actualbird]

Oh god!

I really love the poly headcanons they are so sweet.... (or don't but that's part of it and i think the tot boys+MC deserve all the love the world has to give).

But, liking it or not, our 4 beloved boys are kinda complicated (that's what makes them perfect). Plus I never thought about how people get in poly relationships. So i was thinking, how do you think they all get into a polyrelationship together?

(I really have no idea of how that would happen)

hi, two anons!! im glad you guys liked my nxx team polycule stuff!! i'll answer these in one go, my "headcanon" (in quotes because i think this kinda turned into a character analysis/minific of sorts HAHA) being what first anon asked, How They Get Together.

heads up, wc of this is 1.9k words long so buckle up for a bit of a read jfsjdfkjbf

because first anon, youre right!!! the boys are stupendously complicated which i love so so much but canon has also shown us clearly that each of the boys' quirks and habits and tendencies causes a lot of (mostly played for laughs) friction. the bickering, the backhanded insults, the "im the best one here" preening contests. theyre all SOOOO RIDICULOUS and it is hilarious but yep! the boys r complex!! and that means this beautiful ship, imo, has a lot of phases to get to the actual romantic relationship bit.

how they get together, in my opinion, starts because of mc.

not in the sense that she matchmakes them all, but like.

phase 1 of the nxx team polycule is this:

through being in love with her (which we all know the boys 100% are), each of the boys come to terms with their own flaws and weaknesses. it's very apparent to me in all the story thus far that these boys are flawed as hell, it's very compelling but even more compelling to me is how all of them also do intense mental gymnastics to Not Confront Those Flaws. like, marius is a dickbag always teasing and toeing the line of insincerity, vyn is a controlling mf who always tries to sway situations to his benefit, artem is so repressed to the point that he has genuine trouble with emotions, luke is a self sacrificial bastard and also a huge hypocrite about how no, actually, hes the only one that should be hiding his pain and being dishonest, no dishonesty from other people!! in the beginning of the story, all the boys have their flaws and seem to have just kinda...not addressed how those flaws are harming them and the people around them.

and then mc rolls around and they all fall in love with her. and she sees those flaws and she doesnt let them slide. she challenges the boys in her own ways to see another side of the situation, to acknowledge what theyre doing. she doesnt want to get rid of flaws, thats impossible and also not cool. she just has this beautiful hope for like, all of humanity, that goodness can prevail with the right work. so when she sees her beloved nxx boys, she believes that for them as well.

which leads to phase 2 of the nxx team polycule:

the boys, more aware of themselves, become more aware of each other.

they werent Unaware of the others of course. it's just that they didnt like...truly connect on a personal level just yet. they saw the other teammembers with their emotional armor and flaws and saw a wall that wasnt worth looking past.

but after mc makes them realize that hey, flaws arent the end of the world actually, it's alright and the person behind them may just be worth it, the boys like. end up understanding the others. A LOT OF THIS BIT IS UNINTENTIONAL, ON THEIR PARTS KJDSBFS. like they stumble into understanding each other by accident, they didnt plan it, but over the course of nxx investigations, it's inevitable that they end up seeing the depths of the others. i delve into this a little bit in my fanfic "filler eps of the lost gold" where the boys are just going thru their actions and then trip over another boy's fears or desires and through that, gain a deeper understanding mutually.

and with understanding, sometimes, comes trust.

phase 3 of the nxx team polycule goes like this:

everybody in this team, whether they like it or not, whether they know it or not, has a heart that wants to give love so desperately.

marius lives in a world full of snakes so he cant have his heart on his sleeve for his own protection. vyn wants to be seen as perfect and the heart is inherently messy so he holds it back. artem for a very very long time was focused on work and success and achievement that he neglected his heart. and luke has been giving love all his life in a sense but in a way thats hidden.

all these tendencies that are brought upon their life circumstances results in this: they want to love honestly but they havent been able to do this

until mc. and all of them want to push back whatever fears or patterns their life has instilled in them because they see her and see somebody so unwaveringly good that all their hearts begin giving love to her to make her happy and to make themselves happy as well.

but heres the thing. the boys dont just see mc. by this point, they have connected and understood and come to trust each other as well, and the consequence of that is that They Can See Each Other Now Too, Truly.

and heres the thing. all of the boys are unwaveringly good as well.

one by one, each of the boys realize that what they feel for the other boys in the team starts to...change. yeah theyre all friends, they pick on each other a lot of the time, but the bedrock of the relationship is solid and strong now. but when marius is with luke, marius sees a light inside of luke so bright that he seems unaware that he gives off. when artem is with vyn, artem sees a goodness inside of vyn that hesitates to make itself obvious and known because vyn is scared of getting hurt thanks to it. all of them see the other and their goodness and, unbidden, their hearts want to give love to each other as well.

and because theyre all a bit stupid in their own way theyre like, huh, weird! wonder why this feeling is so familiar! and yet i cant seem to name it...and then they all independently compare these feeling with the feelings they have for mc, a feeling they do know the name of, and theyre like.

WAIT.

THESE FEELINGS ARE...VERY BASICALLY EXACTLY WHAT I FEEL FOR MC.

which only means one thing: theyve fallen in love with everybody else

marius: //goes to his studio to Think and sees that a bunch of his recent art actually had little crumbs of these feelings already, etched into the brushstrokes and scenes. has an emotional crisis about it

vyn: //records a 1 hour long entry in his audio diary to examine and gain control of his feelings but by the end of the hour all he knows is that he wants to hold these people and be held by them

artem: //quite literally just bluescreens, artem.exe has stopped working, sits at his study and slowly, slowly, thunks his head down onto his desk, valiantly trying to ignore the fast pulse of his heart

luke: //manically vents about it to peanut who, by virtue of being a bird, doesnt get it. just keeps talking at peanut to get a grasp of it all and then lies down on the floor, overwhelmed

mc, sitting in her apartment watching some netflix: ...why do i inexplicably feel as if something very, very important has just happened?

phase 4 of the nxx team polycule is basically:

pining: extreme difficulty level

because pining is already hard when ur pining for one person. what more for an additional 3 more people. and those additional 3 more people are pining back.

and all these boys are SOOOO OBVIOUS with their romantic feelings, in their own special way. the way they show their affection to mc starts to bleed into their interactions with the others and everybody can CLEARLY SEE WHAT IS GOING ON, LOL, but also all the boys are too chickenshit to confront it, because if they confront it, what will even happen??? being in love with each other, all of them, thats going to be such a complicated fucking relationship, holy shit. it's 2030, yeah, being a polyamorous group relationship isnt completely unheard of, but sue them, theyre scared.

but mc (who i forgot to mention already knows of the boys' romantic feelings for her, shes just hasnt made a move yet on any of them because SHES IN LOVE WITH ALL OF THEM AS WELL and shes been trying to figure out how the hell to make that work, she cant bear to choose just one of them, she'd be heartbroken over leaving the rest of them behind) sees that the nxx investigation team is now all pining for each other FULLY and she kinda wants to laugh when she realizes whats going on because like, what are the chances? that this would happen? that they all found each other and their feelings fell into just the right place for nobody to be left behind?

theyre all scared, she can tell. and she is as well, she wont lie.

but shes always had a belief that goodness can prevail with the right work.

and love is one of the greatest goods out there.

phase 5 of the nxx team polycule:

It's Time For Communication, Baby!!!!!

the exact scenes of how this happens is a bit vague to me. it could go two ways: mc going to each of the boys independently to talk about feelings, hers about everybodys and his about everybodys as well. OR they have a fucking meeting about it all together and artem literally schedules it in his google calendar, or something.

either way, they like, actually talk about this. starts casual, maybe over a chill date, maybe over dinner at a nice restaurant, maybe over a walk in the park as the sun is starting to set. but where ever it happens, the end result is the same: a heart is laid out bare and it is taken in gentle, grateful hands.

marius: OKAY, NOW THAT THE FEELINGS ARE OUT OF THE WAY, CAN I PLEASE KISS ONE OR ALL OF YOU, PLEASE, IVE BEEN WANTING TO KISS U GUYS FOR FOREVER

vyn, laughing fondly: has anybody ever told you patience is a virtue? we quite literally just talked it all out.

marius: //needy whining noises

artem, embarrassed: ive...never kissed anybody before

luke, embarrassed but trying to play it Cool: ....same here

mc: kissing is great, you two will love it!

marius: awesome, awesome, so is ANYBODY going to give me a go ahead or WHAT????

phase 6 of the nxx team polycule:

i dont want to say it's happily ever after, once they all get together. thats not really realistic.

they all have their quirks and tendencies and habits. and those will inevitable clash against each other. theyll have their arguments, theyll get upset, theyll sulk and be angry, sometimes. but also...

theyll see each other smile and feel like their love shining so brightly. theyll reach out for another's hand and be held in such a way that makes them think that their heart is in a safe place. theyll love each other and theyll put in the work to continue loving each other. because goodness will prevail.

and they all see each other as the most good people in the world.

so whatever happens, theyll get through it together.